The Director's Cut: David Taylor on staying focused

People write to me, or speak to me at conferences, about one subject above all others. This one topic covers many areas of life - how can they leave their boring job, relaunch their career, make more money, improve their business and personal relationships etc. etc.

It all comes down to one thing - how can people be more than they have become, and live the life they were born to live.

Everyone craves to be more - we all seek more money, closer relationships, and more career fulfilment. We aim for these 'means' values in order to achieve happiness, fulfilment and inner peace - so-called 'end' values.

What is holding so many people back from taking the giant step to be all that they can be?

Having travelled widely in different countries and business communities, I am convinced the biggest barrier to personal success, is conformity.

There is a conformity in this country that cloaks business and personal ambition in despair. It is illustrated by many things: celebrating the failure of others (the joy of many when boo.com went under) constant moaning comparing ourselves to others predictions of doom and gloom - the list goes on.

If you don't believe me, try this experiment - go up to a friend, and when they ask you how you are, answer them thus. Say that you have never been happier. Say your relationships are stronger and more fulfilling than ever - your partner radiates health and your children are an unmitigated success in all they do.

Watch their "well, sod-you" reaction.

The fact is that we all need to be liked, and it is this that kicks in, like self-sabotage, when we choose to be more than we are. We share a new idea with someone, or take someone into our confidence about some exciting ambition, and we receive the same old look, and doubts.

It is this conformity that hijacks us and stops us becoming the person we know we can be. It is mostly subconscious, and we most certainly would never admit to ourselves it is happening.

So, how do we overcome this, and break free from the conformity game? We do it by playing life by changing the rules followed by the majority.

Start by being absolutely clear what you want - and not what you don't. People are often very clear what they don't want, but falter on what they do. This is unhelpful, as our minds do not think in negatives. Be clear, and focus on what you want - write it down.

Next, decide that you 'must' achieve it, not that you 'may' achieve it. Ramp up the motivation. Remember, you do not need to know how to achieve something to decide. When you make a true decision in this way, you cut off any and all other outcomes.

The next key step is to take personal ownership, rather than delegating. Every time you blame someone else you are simply delegating your destiny to others. Your future is your choice, nobody else's. It is in your hands, and everything that happens to you is your responsibility and yours alone.

Then - and this is not easy - reverse your thinking from the norm. Equate massive pain with failing to achieve what you wish, and massive pleasure with what you are going to be or do, and every step that you take.

Take action, rather than wait for others. Then review what you have done to see if you are closer to your goal - if not, take different action.

Most people who take action continue to do the same thing, expecting different results. Be persistent, rather than give up at the first obstacle. Redefine failure as giving up, then if you never give up, you will never experience failure.

Finally, each and every day, see everything - absolutely everything - as helping you get to where you want to be, rather than always seeing things as negative. The quality of our lives is largely determined by the quality of the questions we ask of ourselves. Ask yourself: "How does this event help me to achieve my vision?"

The sad fact is that few people find total success, by their own definition. And the saddest words of pen, paper and keyboard, are 'If only...'

Imagine that moment just before you leave this earth, and promise yourself, right now, that you will never need to utter those two words, or feel the desolation they evoke.

Life is not a dress rehearsal. It is our only performance. What are you going to do to be more than you have become, and when are you going to do it?