The Director's Special Cut: The Naked Leader - Part 4

Columnist David Taylor, fresh from the launch of his first book, considers the different ways we look at common business situations - and what that means for our success...

The Choice of Opposites

Our organisational and personal lives are full of contradictions and opposites. We find them in the words we choose to use, in the way we categorise people and in the cultures of our teams and organisations.

Anthony Robbins writes about the ultimate opposite, in his book Awaken The Giant Within when he writes about pain and pleasure. He believes that human beings spend all of our lives either moving away from pain or moving towards pleasure. These are the conflicting forces that decide our every thought, decision and action.

Everyone knows the story of whether you see the glass as half full or half empty, and how this is an indication of whether you are an optimist or pessimist. This extends into our daily lives with the following opposites. Which ones do you use, pigeon-hole people into, or identify with as being the culture you work in?

1. Which do you say more, "And" or "But"?
Sometimes we tend to use "But" when "And" is more positive and powerful. "But" can be a damaging word.

A friend received a letter from his daughter's next school, which started:
"We hope your daughter is enjoying her final days at her prep school, but is also looking forward to starting with us after the summer."

So often in our day to day lives we can simply replace "but" with "and". It is far more positive, friendly and actually improves how we feel.

2. Do you believe it when you see it, or&
See it when you believe it? The first is a well worn phrase that stops many of us in our tracks, and is the cause of many people giving up, and dreaming a smaller dream. While it may be used as a deliberate put-down, it is more frequently said with no harm intended. The damage may still be done. Over the last few years I have found that unstoppable people say "I'll see it when I believe it" each and every day. Massive clue.

3. When talking with your team, do you say "I" or "We"?
As a leader, you and your team are in this together, and it is amazing how replacing the simple word of "I" with "we" shows this. It does not mean you have crossed the barrier from leadership respect to buddy friendship, it does mean you identify with the vision, challenges and thinking of the team. How can you expect others to say "we" if you do not? Combine this with "Us" instead of "You," and mean it, and just watch what happens&

4. When you want to make change in your life, is it a should, or must?
There are too many "shoulds" in our lives - an ineffective word that leads to inaction. The only way real, permanent change takes place is when that "should" becomes a "must", an absolute, no alternative, clear, decisive course of action. How many things about your life, in your team, or in your company, "should" change, and how many "must"?

5. We all work with drains and radiators
And I am not talking about the central heating or air conditioning, I am talking about people. You know what I mean about a "drain," I am sure. You spend time with someone, and they are complaining, moaning and generally unhappy. Fair enough, but they never suggest solutions, or positive ways forward, and you suddenly find your strength, your enthusiasm, almost your desire to live, draining out of you. Of course, it is also draining out of the other person as well, and both of your combined energies are almost literally disappearing down a drain.

What an opposite to radiators - people whose warmth, passion and very presence makes us feel warm all over, and fills us with new levels of calm and personal power. And the irony is, life hits these people just as hard as the drains, but they talk about it in a completely different way. Radiators make the world special just by being in it.

Time for an honesty question: Are you a drain or a radiator?

6. When you listen to your people, team or department, do you hear noise, or music?
One can tell the atmosphere, the environment, of any department, even company, the moment one walks in. It is in the air. So, as a leader, go into the middle of your team, right now, and just experience what is going on around you - is it noise (raised voices, fearful faces, reactive actions) or music (calmness, passion and being proactive). By the way, you can be calm and still rush around to fix an urgent problem, indeed, it is the most effective state to be in, to achieve the result you wish.

7. Do you ask, "what's going wrong"? or&
What's going well? We automatically move in the direction of our most dominant thoughts. If we choose to look for what is wrong - in a project, in other people, or in ourselves, that is what we will find, and vice versa.

Of course that is not to say that we are not aware of events happening that we need to influence or change, but it does put life in perspective. Many projects fail because of this example - they are so busy putting in place risk assessments and contingency plans they have no time, energy or belief in what they were originally setting out to achieve.

Our final Naked Leader extract will appear tomorrow.

Remember - let us know your thoughts by posting a Reader Comment.

Or to order a copy of The Naked Leader, email us at Lsharp@silicon.com .

See also:
The Director's Special Cut: The Naked Leader - Part 5
http://www.silicon.com/a54553
The Director's Special Cut: The Naked Leader - Part 3
http://www.silicon.com/a54471
The Director's Special Cut: The Naked Leader - Part 2
http://www.silicon.com/a54429
The Director's Cut: The Naked Leader - Part 1
http://www.silicon.com/a54154