The silicon.com Weekly Round-Up: 04.04.03

Before we begin this week's Round-Up, can we take this opportunity to say that we know not all Americans are mad, bad, xenophobic and in hock to big business. Just some of them. Thank you.

Californian Congressman Darrell Issa wrote a letter to US Secretary of Defence Donald Rumsfeld last week about the future of post-war Iraq. He's concerned about its mobile phone infrastructure (as you would be...), which is practically non-existent at the moment due to UN sanctions.

As you probably know, there are two main mobile standards in use today, GSM and CDMA. The former was developed in Europe and is by far the most widespread; the latter comes from the good ol' US of A, and isn't really used much outside the Americas and Asia-Pacific. GSM originally stood for Groupe Speciale Mobile, even though it wasn't created solely by the French. It's commonly referred to as Global System for Mobile Communications these days, which is fair enough given that it's been deployed by 193 nations throughout the world.

But as a citizen of a country where there have been calls to rename French fries 'freedom fries' because of our European cousin's attitudes to the war in Iraq, Congressman Issa has seized upon the new moniker to score some points for the 'land of the free'. His letter to Rumsfield - in which GSM is described as 'an outdated French standard' - says...

"If US taxpayers are going to be gifting billions of dollars in technology and infrastructure to the Iraqi people, we ought to make sure, to the greatest extent possible, that those expenditures also benefit the American people and the American economy. If we build a system based on European technology, the Europeans will receive the royalties, not US patent holders."

And there we were, thinking America was in Iraq for the altruistic purpose of freeing its people from a dictatorship, not drumming up new sales opportunities for its businesses. How naïve.

The GSM Association responded swiftly. Rob Conway, its CEO, said: "Congressman Issa's intervention that GSM is an 'outdated French standard' is as ill-timed as it is misinformed. At the moment our first priority must be to offer our support and sympathies to the people putting their lives on the line to liberate Iraq. The right time to debate the technology will be when the real conflict is over... I can't believe someone has started this debate at this time, and I certainly can't believe it has been started from such a false position and on such nationalistic terms."

Indeed. You may be interested to know that Congressman Issa represents the 49th District of California, north of San Diego - the home town of mobile phone company Qualcomm. Qualcomm owns most of the patents to CDMA. Qualcomm has made donations to the Republican coffers of one Congressman Issa. Join the dots, see what kind of picture you come up with.

Staying in somewhat distasteful territory, the 419 scammers have relocated. Having originated in Nigeria and then spread rapidly throughout Africa, these emails are now offering you exciting opportunities to become rich by helping some poor unfortunate soul in Iraq. The latest bogus email promises the recipient a share of the fortune of an Iraqi landowner called Faroul Al-Bashar if you help him sneak his family's wealth out of Baghdad before it's destroyed in a bombing raid. Tasteful huh?

IT companies are rubbish at customer service. And that's official. A study conducted by the Customer Respect Group in the US found that high-tech companies rank lower than airline, travel and even telecoms outfits when it comes to such things as responding to online enquiries. Indeed, one third of the 24 leading IT organisations surveyed didn’t even reply to inquiries submitted through their websites. To be fair, Dell, HP, IBM, Microsoft and Xerox all scored nine points or more out of a possible ten in the research but the average for the entire high-tech group was 6.8. And this is the sector which took ownership of the phrase Customer Relationship Management and the technology to enable you to do it better. Pass the snake oil...

One of the companies involved in organising the Infosecurity World Online show has had to do a bit of grovelling this week. Virtual visitors to the show enjoyed this little gem in their in-box on 1 April (although it's not an April fool)...

"Dear Infosecurity Visitor,

We are writing to you regarding a number of emails you will have received from Infosecurity World Online on the 27th and 28th of March. We, ASP Multimedia, are a technical supplier for Reed Exhibitions and Infosecurity World Online.

We experienced a technical problem that resulted in sending you emails repeatedly. We resolved this issue as quickly as possible, however not in time to prevent you from receiving multiple emails.

It is our sincere desire that you appreciate this was a technical oversight and acutely embarrassing for an online event promoting information security..."

Nice of them to point out the irony of the situation. Saves us the job.

We didn’t want to return to this topic but we are duty bound to clear this one up following the deluge of emails we received after last week's Round-Up. As you may recall, we were silly enough to raise the thorny issue of Jaffa Cakes' right to be classified as a cake rather than a biscuit. Well, we're pleased to announce that they are indeed cakes, not biscuits - and that's official. We'll leave the explanation to one silicon reader, Keith Neill...

"The matter was settled over ten years ago by a VAT tribunal in a very expensive case. McVities argued that they were indeed cakes (and hence zero-rated for VAT), while HM Customs and Excise argued that they were biscuits and hence subject to 17.5 per cent VAT. McVities won the case, primarily because biscuits are hard when fresh and soft when stale whereas cakes are soft when fresh and hard when stale; Jaffa Cakes, of course, fall into the latter category. I have a recollection that McVities also baked a cake-sized Jaffa Cake for the tribunal chairman to support their legal arguments. God, I should get out more..."

Thanks for that Keith. We can sleep easy now.

All you fans of the Segway Human Transporter (aka Ginger), the high-tech scooter which the unkind have called 'a strimmer on wheels', will be disappointed to learn that they're not exactly selling like hot cakes (or biscuits...) in the States. Only 200 or so companies have purchased them, and the orders have been relatively small - often just a couple of units. Indeed, of 13 US organisations that last year publicly announced plans to test drive the devices, only three have finished their evaluations and purchased additional units. Nine of the companies are either still in trials or did not purchase any additional Gingers beyond the test units. The remaining tester, a police agency, never even bothered to evaluate the scooters in the first place.

Why the sluggish uptake? One silicon reader - who we'll resist the temptation of naming - has a theory. "The mere fact that a new scooter is being talked about in the IT press, more than anywhere else, is a strong indication that the device is forever deemed to be uncool," he said.

IT journalists? Uncool? Whatever can he mean?

The Round-Up's going home in a huff now, wearing a nice bit of 'vendorwear' (blue Ericsson fleece under a matt black BMC anorak), carrying my biography of William Shatner in a lovely green shoulder bag emblazoned with an Intel logo.

Til next week, why not read some more uncool outpourings below... (PS: That last bit was a joke. OK?)

IT SALARIES ON THE UP DESPITE DEPARTMENTAL BUDGET CUTS

BT CUTS PRICES IN BUSINESS BROADBAND BONANZA

CHINA WILL LOG 'KEYBOARD CLICKING' TO REIN IN THE INTERNET

BLAIR'S BROADBAND WAKE-UP CALL REVEALED

MASSIVE GRID GOES LOOKING FOR THE ORIGINS OF THE UNIVERSE