The silicon.com Weekly Round-Up: 16.05.03

It's said that a week is a long time in IT.

Remember the revolutionary MSN iLoo from last week's Round-Up? Well, what a week it's been for that particular potty invention.

For those who missed it, it was a cyber convenience, complete with wireless keyboard and high-speed web access that allows the user to surf the web while they sit on the toilet.

But guess what? It was a hoax. Despite releasing the details on 2 May, Microsoft on Monday issued a statement claiming - with absolutely no sense of irony - that it was just an "April Fool". Shame on us for falling for it.

Typical Microsoft, we thought. Even its April Fool was released behind schedule.

Microsoft's US spokesman put it down to the good ol' British sense of humour and said it was just the team at Microsoft UK 'yanking our chains'. He went on to remind us that this isn't the first such jape to come out of the Reading office, citing a story about a web-enabled park bench from a couple of years ago.

At this point the plot starts to thicken. First it's worth pointing out that the park bench was in fact real - and not a joke at all - so full marks to the spokesman for that slip-up (he did later admit this mistake). But it gets stranger, because on Tuesday Microsoft released another statement, this time announcing that the iLoo wasn't an April Fool after all but was in fact a very real product - albeit one which may never see the light of day.

Oh dear. It would seem a little more communication is called for between Microsoft's US and UK offices.

Also working on their communication skills this week are the students signing up for a course in... wait for it... "How to use your mobile phone" (stop laughing up the back).

The Learning and Skills Council is offering adults the opportunity to find out more about these new-fangled gadgets and it is even offering to teach them the joys of SMS - which is 'GR8 news 4 txtually frustr8ed adults'. Isn't it?

Unsurprisingly the scheme has received fierce criticism in some quarters, where phrases such as 'a waste of the tax payers' money' have been used with a liberal disregard for clichés. In its defence the Learning and Skills Council claims the course will only cost £100 of tax payers' money (approximately 0.0000025p each), though some may still claim that's 0.0000025p too much.

However, one silicon.com reader named Jude (who, with appropriate obscurity, didn't include a surname) hit the nail on the head. "I think my mother would find it beneficial, if only to demonstrate the redundancy of a mobile phone that's permanently switched off." Amen to that Jude.

The course will also be used to educate people about such issues as SMS voting in general elections, which it is hoped will help overcome voter apathy and increase turn-out - so it's surely not all bad.

However, if you really are determined to talk about 'wasting tax payers' money' then consider this.

UK police forces are currently toying with the idea of putting our good old bobbies on the beat on Segway Human Transporters (or 'Ginger' as it was known during development).

For the uninitiated, the Segway Human Transporter (SHT) either looks like a large old-fashioned lawn mower, or an over-sized golf trolley without the bag of clubs - depending on your preference. (Find out more here.)

Clearly shoe leather is at a premium within the police force, and our put upon plods are going to be encouraged to glide around the streets on the labour-saving £6,000 scooters.

Among the other advantages cited for giving policemen SHT is the fact that they will be a further eight inches off the ground, so they will have better views of large crowds. And presumably these large crowds - who may or may not be pointing and laughing - will be gathering because of the spectacle of our once-respected police officers riding 'lawnmowers' around the streets of Britain. A self-fulfilling prophecy if ever we heard one. (Click here for a picture of a man riding a Segway scooter.)

PC Neil Parsons, one of the guinea pigs for the trial, said: "I expect people would probably take the Mickey out of us to start..."

You reckon Neil?

Still, it will make for an interesting revision to the opening credits of The Bill, even if the sight of a PC on a scooter will do little to ease those 'aren't policemen looking younger these days' concerns.

Also giving people a laugh this week is the very politically incorrect eBay user from Bromley, Kent, who has put his "annoying girlfriend" up for sale on the popular auction site.

Could this just be the next small town nobody hoping to find fame online? Probably but we'll indulge him anyway.

It appears squabbling over the TV remote control, and her love of "poxy DIY programs" has created a rift in their once happy home. For the record, we are also told she is overweight and has yellow teeth by her in no-way bitter boyfriend.

And while we learn a lot about his soon-to-be-ex-girlfriend, all we can learn about the seller is that he is also selling a snowboard.

From this, and this alone, the Round-Up deduces that the pair recently went away for a snowboarding break, where she 'got it on' with a ski instructor/barman/chalet boy, leading to the breakdown of their relationship and an acrimonious end to his snowboarding career (too many painful memories).

And finally - a confession. It came to the Round-Up's attention that a few poorly-chosen words last week, on the subject of spam, may have sparked some spam filters into action (now isn't that ironic). The mention of a well known pharmaceutical brand which rhymes with Niagara may have been the offending word - so if you didn't get the Round-Up we apologise.

Until next week, here's some news: Inland Revenue 'glitch' creates £15bn pension crisis BT dodges slurs in march towards SDSL Billion-email spammer arrested 'Matrix Reloaded' seen uploaded on net Want to know what happens to your personal data? Call centre exodus from UK shores continues