The Weekly Round-Up: 25.07.03

The ritual humiliation of being left until last against the playground wall during the picking of teams is something a few people who later went into technology are probably more than familiar with.

The Round-Up is guessing here, but Bill Gates, for example, was probably always the last one picked for softball.

However, it is true that nobody really wants the 'weird kid' on their team - so imagine how the file-sharing community felt this week when Michael Jackson took their side in the row surrounding services such as Kazaa and the punishment of music pirates.

Jackson spoke out earlier this week criticising plans to jail persistent file-swappers.

"I am speechless about the idea of putting music fans in jail for downloading music. It is wrong to download but the answer cannot be jail," he told silicon.com over a pint*.

However, proving in fact that he was far from "speechless", he continued: "It is the fans that drive the success of the music business. I wish this would not be forgotten."

No doubt the Recording Industry Association of America wishes Jackson would keep his nose out of their business but you've got to admit he has a point.

For the music industry to ostracise its fans with such heavy-handed measures is lunacy, and when even a man with Jackson's fading grasp on reality can see the foolishness of your plans it's surely time for a rethink.

Also getting tough on file sharers this week are Hollywood's big studio bosses. They have launched an advertising campaign featuring staff from the studio floor complaining about the problem of file-sharers downloading movies.

Carpenters, lighting technicians and make-up artists are among those bemoaning the actions of these 'thieves' who are stealing the food from their table and the shoes from their children's feet.

But silicon.com readers weren't impressed by this bleeding heart approach. Reader Stuart Charman wrote in an email: "This story gives me the mental picture of the average 'Joe' being told by studio bosses that if he doesn't appear in the anti-piracy advert he'll be picking up his P45? I can almost hear the conversation. 'You don't want to appear in the ads? Are trying to tell me you're not anti-piracy, Joe?'"

Quite.

And while we're on the subject of the US entertainment industry, last week's Round-Up came to you from Las Vegas, but the choice of destination didn't prove universally popular.

One silicon.com reader wrote in to say: "What better way to end the week than to read an email from you crowing about the fact that you are in Vegas. I'm off home to Slough..."

But why's that a bad thing? What exactly is so wrong with Slough wonders the Round-Up? Answers on a virtual postcard to mailto:editorial@silicon.com

Also lacking in bonhomie towards silicon.com this week is a large part of the population of French Canada.

Technology has been a major source of English words infiltrating the French language and the powers that be in France have had enough. So, no more 'email' for government workers. Instead they want to replace it with the word 'courriel'.

Which is fair enough. All silicon.com did was point out a particular irony, which is that 'courriel' isn't even a 'proper' French word but actually derives from the French Canadian version of the language, which the very same French traditionalists (...and NOT silicon.com in any way), who would oust these English words, consider to be a bastardisation of their own language.

Well that was it... blue touch paper lit - the fireworks started as angry email after angry email poured in to the silicon.com inbox.

Almost everybody in Quebec wrote in, furious at our lack of respect for their culture and heritage - not spotting that we were merely highlighting the irony of the actions of the Académie Française.

Clearly Alanis Morissette is not the only Canadian who doesn't understand the meaning of the word 'ironic'...

Continuing with this international theme - but mindful not to make any more enemies - the Round-Up is now off to Russia where some spammers have fallen foul of a particularly vengeful victim.

The Russian government's Deputy Communications Minister Andrei Korotkov had become so annoyed about the influx of spam he was receiving that he took matters into his own hands.

Noticing the spam messages he received contained a contact telephone number which customers were urged to call, Korotkov set up an automated audio message which dialled up the advertised numbers repeatedly, 24 hours per day every day - hogging the line and effectively blocking the business from contact with the outside world.

Korotkov had originally asked politely to be taken off the spammers list but his reply merely exposed him to even more spam - and that's when he decided to take matters into his own hands.

For any would be spammers, the moral of the story is 'don't mess with a Communications Minister' - deputy or otherwise, because chances are they'll know people, who know people who can do you far more harm than you can do them. In this instance it was an organisation called the Group Against Harmful Programs who provided the technology to help Korotkov realise his devious plan.

The Round-Up salutes you Andrei.

Also coming a cropper with email are married couples who are increasingly being driven apart by cyber-infidelity, according to research from the University of Florida.

Internet chatrooms are now the fastest rising cause of marriage break-ups as frustrated partners turn on(line) for a little excitement.

This trend has marriage guidance groups concerned - and with chatrooms entitled 'Married but flirting' available on MSN you can pretty much see why.

One man quoted in the study said: "All I have to do is turn on my computer and I have thousands of women to choose from. It can't get any easier than that."

One 'love rat' - to use the correct tabloid parlance - managed to have an incredible 13 affairs with women he met over the internet - proving that 13 really is an unlucky number...if you happen to be his wife.

In fact, the majority of flirty surfers met up with the objects of their cyber desire and all but two of those surveyed actually consummated their chatroom relationship. The Round-Up can only assume the two who met but didn't 'seal the deal' were probably victims of some form of dishonesty:

"But what about that picture you sent me? You told me it was taken last week. How can you have gained so much weight, and lost all your hair, and grown a full beard since it was taken... Barbara?"

Being betrayed over email is a modern phenomenon which appears to be becoming increasingly common...but is 'mockney' chef Jamie Oliver the latest victim?

Publisher Penguin appears to have suffered an embarrassing email leak this week which purports to gift recipients a free copy of an 'as-yet unpublished' cook book from The Naked Chef.

Love him or hate him - and most people have an opinion one way or the other - Oliver is the jewel in Penguin's crown but the leaked 121-page document, which is spreading rapidly via email, threatens to depress sales of his books...

...but the Round-Up, being an old cynic can't help thinking that the Seared Salmon with Courgettes, Asparagus, and Rocket on page 53 isn't the only thing that smells a bit fishy here. Penguin are tight-lipped (as opposed to liver-lipped or fat-tongued, like Oliver) on the matter and as yet have not returned calls for comment on the validity of this leak.

Most likely seems to be the suggestion in some quarters that an enterprising so-and-so has cobbled together a 'best of' from past Oliver books - which is something which will still be of great concern to Penguin. After all, why part with hard-earned cash for three books when you can get the best recipes for free?

We wait with baited - and slightly whiffy - breath (thanks to the Roasted Hamilton Poussin Wrapped with Streaky Bacon and Stuffed with Potatoes and Sage on page 58) to find out how this one works out.

And finally this week, an honourable mention for the folks at virtual network operator Vanco for some sterling work for charity.

For the past eight years Vanco has been taking part in the three-peaks challenge - that's doing it eight times, rather than taking eight years - to scale the tallest mountains in Scotland, England and Wales in the name of Care International. This year's trek earned a whopping £193,000 - bringing the grand running total to more than £1m.

(*Of course Michael Jackson didn't really speak exclusively to silicon.com... though what a landmark meeting of minds it would have been - his IT insight and the Round-Up's fancy dance moves...)

What are you doing still reading this - want some more, do you?

IT Myths: Does the 'Beast of Brussels' know everything about us? Hollywood's file-sharing plea badly backfires Melinda Messenger fronts Internet Shopping Day Shaving shoppers to be saved from surveillance?