The Weekly Round-Up: 29.08.03

The Round-Up's favourite line from a film comes from Steven Spielberg's defining creature feature 'Jaws'.

As Amityville Police Chief Martin Brody first realises the scale of the challenge which faces him he looks up and declares:

"We're gonna need a bigger boat."

In one short, seemingly throwaway sentence he so succinctly sums up the awe and the fear we all imagined.

Remember that... it's something we'll come back to.

The Round-Up was also on a boat this week though not with a gnarly old fisherman and a bearded scientist, but with Keith Chegwin and the massed ranks of the IT press.

But why was the Round-Up in the presence of Cheggers?

It's a question I've asked myself more than once this week. The invite came from technology PR firm Lewis, and just sounded too good (... should that be surreal?) to be true.

Cheggers was the 'star turn' at the do, which had been billed as a 'booze cruise' - and given the man's history of alcoholism it appeared to be an interesting proposition.

Once upon a time it was 'Cheggers plays Pop' - nowadays it's 'Cheggers drinks pop' (diet Pepsi to be precise).

But the technology link isn't entirely tenuous. Chegwin has embraced the internet in recent years. Anybody who remembers the phenomenon of 'Cheggers Bedroom' - a live always-on video stream over the internet, featuring the man himself 24 hours per day - will realise this is a man with his finger firmly on the pulse regarding the weird, wonderful and cult uses for the internet.

He's also promising something revolutionary in the future. (If that bold claim had come from anybody else I would have suspected it was the drink talking).

But Cheggers told the Round-Up that his innovation will "change the way we look at the internet" though he wouldn't divulge any more detail than that... the tease!

Finally on this subject, the Round-Up learned that when the invites were sent out for the 'Cheggers Booze Cruise' they were sent to far more people than the boat could handle, a fairly standard ploy based on the fact that you factor in the number of likely negative responses and still plan for a full house.

However, Lewis weren't counting on the popularity of their own stunt. When the responses started to pour in, with hardly a 'no' to be seen, I'm told the individual processing the invites looked up from her computer and declared (with no sense of irony):

"We're gonna need a bigger boat."

The Round-Up (and Brody) knows how she felt.

This week a game was brought to the attention of the Round-Up which perfectly sums up the image crisis besieging IT.

Can you tell which of these mugshots are programmers and which are serial killers?

It's actually quite difficult (not to mention scary to realise there is very little to choose between mass murderers and techies).

There are some clues in there though - most notably the age of some of the pictures. I'm not suggesting the Victorian era wasn't the golden age of coding, but if somebody was clearly in their sixties around 80 years ago, then there is a good chance they weren't keeping themselves in gin and Dickens serialisations by working as a programmer earlier in their career.

Even more worrying for the future of IT than the similarity between techies and butchers through the ages was this conversation which the Round-Up overheard on the train into London this morning. Two mothers were talking about their kids' education.

"My Mark had to choose his options for his GCSEs." "What's he doing?" "All the compulsory ones, plus PE and cookery." "Cookery?" "Yes, well he had to do one technology subject, and it was either that or IT."

Now the Round-Up doesn't think there is anything wrong per se with boys doing cookery - but it doesn’t do much to restore faith in the school system's ability to encourage people onto IT courses.

This year saw a decline in the number of people taking IT at GCSE (click here for the full story). So in a few years time we can expect woefully understaffed IT departments, and an even greater skills crisis, but no shortage of people ready, willing and able to whip up a baked Alaska.

But why is cookery so popular all of a sudden? The Round-Up blames the BBC for incessantly bombarding us with 'Delia's Ready, Steady Can't Cook Won't Cook with the Naked Chef'-style cookery programs. (Still you need something to break up the DIY makeover shows).

The BBC has come in for fresh criticism this week on the back of a government investigation into the organisation's online operations. While the BBC and the government have been far from friendly towards one another of late, it appears this investigation is long overdue - or at least that's according to John Whittingdale, the Conservative shadow minister for culture, who would go even further in his treatment of the venerable organisation.

The outspoken anti-Auntie Tory has called for a cutting of the umbilical chord which links the Beeb to the government - removing its funding and making it stand on its own two feet.

This suggestion - and silicon's own pop at the company (click here for more) brought a wave of support from silicon.com readers.

silicon.com reader Colin Lawton said: "The BBC website is a world resource. Cutting the funding will destroy it. Making the BBC raise the money from commercial activities will destroy the public service ethos that makes it great. We need an organisation insulated from the demands of proprietors, one ready, willing and able to stand up for truth, justice, freedom and democracy."

That's beautiful Colin. The Round-Up is getting quite emotional.

Have your say on this subject by emailing editorial@silicon.com

Following last week's appeal, the Digital Blunders have been pouring in. To kick things off, here's one silicon.com reader whose name is being kept a closely guarded secret for his own protection:

"The password on my computer used to be 'jigglytits'. It was the result of working in IT with a call centre of approximately 600 lovely ladies working upstairs who had to walk past my window every morning. Not very PC but memorable all the same. But what was typed in idle jest became somewhat of an embarrassment when desktop support had to come fix my dial-up settings. Predictably they sent a rather attractive well constructed girl who was politely amused though still managed to pass sentence with just one look. Using my limited male powers of ESP I got the faint impression that she though I was a 'merchant banker'."

Not just her I'm sure.

Another sexist faux pas committed in error was this nasty little typo:

"Recently I typed out a note to a female associate asking her for some assistance with a project. I meant to conclude with "if you are too busy to assist..." but in my haste I hit both the 't' and 'y' keys and it came out "if you are too busty to assist..."

The Round-Up is spotting a theme here - but we'd also really to hear about some Blunders which don't involve women's breasts.

Such as this one:

"I found to my horror that I had signed off an email to a senior partner, feeding back information about a team of staff, not with my usual "Regards" but the somewhat more pithy "Retards"."

You can find dozens of other reader confessions in our Digital Blunders 2 Special Report which launched this week (see http://www.silicon.com/db2 for more of the same).

And keep them coming.

Until next time here's some news, and remember: Cheggers can't be boozers.

Experts warn of new Sobig virus Martha Lane-Fox more attractive than Reg Holdsworth Privacy fears over RFID must come before profit Comet kicks off seminars to make parents web-wise GCSE results show sharp decline in IT