The Weekly Round-Up: 26.09.03

"If a tree falls in a forest, and nobody is around to hear it, does it still make a sound?"

Apparently how we answer this question says a great deal about our personality and our outlook on life.

The Round-Up supposes - as it is wont to do - that within Microsoft these days this question is answered with a resounding "Hell no, because if you can't SEE something happening then it can't BE happening."

That pretty much sums up MSN's approach to its chat rooms which it shelved this week amid concerns over child safety (... not cost, honest, no siree...).

The company said it could no longer risk exposing children to grooming and related offences in its unmonitored chat rooms so it pulled the plug on them. Now anybody wishing to chat will have to sign up for a subscription-based service - the argument being that if you have somebody's billing details then it's easier to hold them accountable for their crimes or discourage them from committing those crimes in the first place.

A noble gesture indeed. The fact that MSN gets to shelve the chat rooms which it ran at a loss and direct people to a profit-making service is just a bonus, then?

MSN was doubtless hoping it could play the 'child safety card' without challenge but many suspect the company is merely hiding behind this political hot potato because it sounds a bit more consumer-friendly than admitting "We did it for the bank manager". (Not that any bank manager is likely to get too upset with Microsoft.)

Others are suggesting that even if Microsoft's intentions were indeed good, the result of its move could actually have the opposite effect. Some were quick to express concerns that MSN turning its back on the problem will not make it go away - if anything it might make it worse.

Alex Kovach, MD of Lycos UK and Ireland, said: "Walking away from chat rooms will only drive this underground. It is up to the big players such as MSN to offer safe, moderated environments. With 25 million people online in the UK, chat rooms are not simply going to go away."

Kovach added: "We all know about the potential dangers of chat rooms and that's why we believe all responsible portals should invest in them. For MSN to overhaul its chat rooms and comply with Home Office standards would be expensive. By switching them off Microsoft look like they're taking the moral high-ground but in reality this is irresponsible."

Certainly by burying its head in the sand MSN has ensured no child will ever be groomed in its chat rooms. That's not for debate - because if something doesn't exist it can't be abused. But by washing its hands of the blame, it doesn't make the problem go away.

The tree will still fall and it will still make noise, even if Gates and co can't hear it.

Also no stranger to controversy, the RIAA continues its fight against file-swapping... but is the hard line Recording Industry Association of America going soft?

This week the hitherto heartless RIAA, which had previously put the frighteners on a 12-year-old girl, threatening her with legal action, actually dropped a case against one alleged file-swapper.

Boston pensioner Sarah Ward was accused of downloading music from the back-catalogue of US Gangsta rapper Busta Rhymes... not normally known for his geriatric appeal.

Picture the old folk getting down to this in the retirement home:

"In my past life the world felt my mega blast Now in my present life I'm a still bust your f***ing *ss"

For a start the grammar is appalling and older people hold such values dear.

There was also the small issue of Ward not owning a computer capable of downloading music from Kazaa. Details, details.

However the RIAA still refuses to admit it may have made a mistake but for now it is merely 'putting the case on the back burner'... which sounds like a euphemism for stubbornly refusing to admit it had made a mistake and waiting until everybody has forgotten about the case before dropping it like a bad smell.

A spokeswoman for the RIAA said: "We are being as careful as we can be and are giving [Ward] the benefit of the doubt. We think if someone has a credible argument, we will withdraw and ask questions later."

Which is big of them, given that she's clearly innocent of any crime.

In truth, following the backlash the RIAA experienced after it sued 12-year-old Brianna Lahara the organisation is doubtless aware it can't risk any more negative PR - and the Round-Up believes that hounding innocent pensioners through the courts would probably fall into that category.

However, the case still raises serious concerns. How many times is the RIAA going to get its claws into innocent computer users who don't have old age or public sympathy on their side? It would appear their methods of detection are somewhat unreliable... The Round-Up has a picture of RIAA execs sticking pins in a phonebook... and that's probably not too far from the truth.

But then the Round-Up could be wrong... it wouldn't be the first time.

Last week the Round-Up suggested that there was something a little uncommon about couples filming their carnal activities on digital cameras. While the Round-Up didn't suggest there was anything wrong about this practice, it was just mentioned that it probably wasn't all that much the 'done thing'.

Well, how wrong can one tech columnist be? Frankly the Round-Up was shocked by the number of people writing in to correct us on this.

One man told us that not only do him and the "good lady wife" regularly make homemade skin flicks but he went on to point out that he has a semi (...no giggling at the back there) in the suburbs and drives a Vauxhall. By his own admission he is Mr Average. And if Mr Average can film himself in the act then anybody can... and does apparently.

But the Round-Up was put in mind of golfers who film their swing to refine their technique, so perhaps it is just a conscientious effort on the part of these readers to iron out a few flaws in their performance... and for that kind of commitment to their partner's happiness they are to be applauded.

And more naughtiness to end the week.

Computer forensics specialists at LogicaCMG were recently called in to investigate goings on within a well-known financial institution in the City. Bosses had become concerned about a low-paid member of staff who was apparently living the life of a man on many times more his income. (Tip: If you work in a bank on £20,000 per year, don't turn up in a Porsche, wearing an Armani suit. It turns out people get suspicious. Who would have thought?!)

His paymasters put two and two together and assumed he must be making his extra money through some kind of criminal activity. In the words of LogicaCMG the company was worried that he was "siphoning off money from the company via the payment systems".

So LogicaCMG was brought in to investigate - looking for incriminating evidence of wrongdoing on his computer - checking emails, scanning drives and folders and checking the cached memory. However, what they uncovered took everybody by surprise.

While he wasn't stealing any money from the company (shame on them for suspecting him) he was running a one man rent boy service - supplementing the income of his day job by turning tricks in the evenings and at the weekends for high flying City businessmen.

So what happened next? The young man concerned obviously escaped without need for disciplining as he was in breach of no actual bank regulations... but there wasn't such good news for his boss.

During the investigation LogicaCMG discovered some very inappropriate pornography on the young banker's work laptop. It wasn't what they were looking for but for bosses on a witch hunt it was a start. That was until the forensics experts discovered that the pornography was actually downloaded onto the laptop by another user... can you guess who that person might have been?

That's right, it was his boss. The very person who brought in the forensics people was the only person caught in the investigation and the only person who was disciplined as a result. She will think twice next time she wants to launch such an investigation.

Finally this week silicon.com has launched a Special Report all about the subject of Instant Messaging. Check it out here and please spare a minute to take our survey on the very same subject, here.

The Round-Up is now off to vibe with Boston pensioner Sarah Ward about Uzis, clips and bitches and the price of sweet tea biscuits down the Co-Op.

Until next week, here's some badass news:

Software miscreants: 'fess up and the BSA will let you off

Porn, pirated software, MP3s – do you really know what's on your network?

Boston pensioner mistakenly targeted in file-swap swoop

Lonely hearts have empty wallets

Lara Croft gets into bed with David Beckham