The silicon.com Christmas Nativity Part II

Scene 3: [Enter Herod and his henchman]

Herod (played by Tony Blair): So henchman Jack, explain your law, known unto us as the Regulation of Investigatory Powers Bill.
Henchman Jack (played by Jack Straw): It's simple. We need a new law to eavesdrop on the emailed conversations of the arrangers of organised crime and paedophiles and suchlike.
Herod: Sounds good to me.
Henchman Jack: MI5 and MI6 are quite keen too. In fact, later in the year I expect them to be well-chuffed about another plan which will allow them to gain access to data about every citizen's communications for a period going back seven years.
Herod: Jack, you're jumping the gun again and breaking the temporal integrity of the play. Calm down and stick to the point. Surely we will face some opposition?
Henchman Jack: Fear not, Herod. You must remember that we have bestowed unto the UK an e-minister and an e-envoy. We have proven ourselves technologically savvy. We have embraced the internet. Herod, you even have your own website now! We have realised that the soothsayers of Oftel have grown long in the tooth and should be replaced by a body known as Ofcom. We have encouraged hoards of businesses to get online. We swelled the coffers of Gordon the Magnificent with a £20bn windfall from the auction of 3G licences, which was particularly clever. Herod, you can walk on water!
Herod: You're confusing me with the Messiah.
Henchman Jack: Sorry. Easy mistake to make. But my point remaineth valid. We know what we're doing.

Narrator: And so it came to pass that Henchman Jack spaketh in forked tongue, and didn't really have a clue. The scribes and privacy activists realised the RIP Bill was, in parts, absurd. His Lord Hope (Conservative), having been briefed by such august bodies as FIPR and Privacy International (and silicon.com) raised grievous concerns in parliament. And lo, parliament did listen, and the government didst relent a bit. The passage about encryption keys was shown to contravene everyone's right to be innocent until proven guilty, and was struck out. The ISPs were assuaged slightly when the government listened to their fears that they would have to fork out a lot of money to make this work. But the suspicion remained that Herod and Henchman Jack were legislating unnecessarily in areas they didn't understand.
Meanwhile, back at Mary and Joseph's place, Herod had popped by to demand of dot-com's parents a cup of tea, and to demand of the audience a huge willing suspension of disbelief as too much caffeine threatened to addle the brain of the playwright.

Scene 4: Mary and Joseph sit at their 'his and his' computers, mulling the merits of IP version 6 and XML, both of which we're likely to hear a lot more about in the coming year.

Mary: If we're modern enough to useth the internet, how come we're talking in this cod ancient English and riding around on donkeys?
Joseph: No idea. Maybe the playwright has drunk too much Coke in a desperate attempt to mimic his heroes, the software developers, and has therefore literally lost the plot. Bet he had pizza for lunch too.

[Knocking at the door]

Mary: Come in.
Herod: Hi. It's me. I've come all the way from the UK to pay homage to your son, dot-com, who despite the odd hiccup is flourishing under my enlightened regime.
Joseph: You sure you're not just here to associate yourself with someone supposedly cool? You know that doesn't work. Just look at the pictures of Chris Evans and Noel Gallagher at your house. It's embarrassing. By the way, those weren't hiccups, they were burps.
Herod: No, no, you've got me all wrong, that's not it at all. I'm genuinely interested and I understand the child's needs.
Mary: So how come you keep meddling in his affairs when a light touch is required? The son of our friend Bill Gates, he who was christened Microsoft, didn't grow strong and healthy because people like you interfered in his upbringing.
Herod: Ah yes, and look where that got us. The law-makers did finally have to intervene to stop him getting too big for his boots.
Joseph (aside): Reboots, more like.
Mary: Ah yes, but what good has that done? A full 12 month and more ago, the law-makers told Gates' progeny that he would have to curb his behaviour.
Joseph: Indeed. And what has happened? He appealed against the ruling that he had to be in bed before 10pm (or whatever it was) and the situation hasn't changed. He even threw an enormous custard pie in the face of the IT community this year, and called it Windows 2000. And the IT community didst lap it up, worried not about the long-term stability of Microsoft. The law is an ass.
Herod: Really? Mine's outside grazing. I never realised I could be riding on a law.
Mary and Joseph: Sigh...
Narrator: I'm bored now. Can we finish this please?
Mary, Joseph and Herod (in unison): But we haven't had a go at BT yet!
Narrator (taking centre stage): Enough. We'll be here all night if we open that nasty can of worms.
And so it came to pass that another year in the wonderful world of ebusiness ended, as has our humble play. I'm told that if you want a slightly more informative picture of what's going on in this industry, it's well worth logging on to silicon.com every day. But we'll leave you with this thought: 2000 was the year technology went mainstream. Sure, all the usual corporate IT strategy issues are still crucial. But this year, high-tech stories have made the front pages of national newspapers, and have featured on every major TV news programme. It's been pushed a long way up the political agenda. If you'll pardon the hyperbole, it's changing the world. So get involved. Stay informed. Stop working every now and again, and start thinking. This has been the yearly round-up. Goodnight, and have a great Christmas. Bless you for listening.

PS Dot-com had a few more hair-brained schemes, but in the end lived happily ever after.