The web on your doormat

Not that the FlickDotCom directory should necessarily be classed as detritus. But this internet guide is made of paper, which at the very least puts it in the 'incongruous' category.

Apparently we UK surfers waste eight million hours a week unsuccessfully searching the web. One in three of us give up searching altogether within five minutes because we simply can't find what we're looking for.

So those clever folk at FlickDotCom have put pen to dead tree and recorded all the good stuff in one handy directory.

The company intends to ensure that the directory is kept up to date by only listing "legitimate, stable businesses, 70 per cent of which are 'clicks and mortar' companies".

All entries are vetted to make sure the companies are secure and family friendly.

Not a bad idea - and FlickDotCom claims to be profitable already, charging from £200 for a bold entry to £80,000 for a full colour back page ad (proving that someone's making money from the web these days. Even if they are offline).

But this could mean the end for those wonderful moments all surfers have when they discover completely random but utterly compelling (and sometimes slightly seedy) websites they would otherwise have never encountered.

Speaking of which...

A hand-picked selection of Cosmopolitan's naked male centrefolds are being auctioned online.

Sticky piccies up for grabs include Darren from Big Brother, and Olympic rowers James Cracknell and Tim Foster. You don't quite get to see all of them of course. Their modesty is preserved by the odd strategically placed gold medal. (Adds a whole new meaning to 'sticking your oar in', doesn't it?)

At the time of writing, Another Level's Bobak was attracting the highest bid, at £200.

If you should want to get your mitts on these hunky chaps (with hidden bits), see
http://www.qxl.com

National Bottom Week lets rip on Monday. Slendertone Flex is behind (pun intended) the first ever celebration of bottoms, which runs (pun intended here but probably not on the press release) until 3 June.

Winners of the 'Rear of the Year' awards will be trumpeted on 30 May.

What's this got to do with IT? I hear you cry (slightly anally). Well, err, not a lot really. We just thought you ought to know about it. Mind you, Professor Stephen Gray, director of the centre for computer clothing research at Nottingham University, has discovered that the average bottom has grown by eight inches over the last 100 years. So there's some technology involved there.

But maybe we could come up with a decent IT angle: best suggestion from the silicon.com team so far is to launch a cheeky new game called 'Whose bottom is it anyway?', in which people have to guess the identity of the industry's leading personalities from pictures of their back-ends.

Bill Gates' behind... makes you think, doesn't it? Anyone with any better ideas about what we can do to support National Bottom Week should click here (http://www.silicon.com/a44653 ) and post a reader comment. But keep them clean please.

Remember when we Brits were laughing at the bizarre shenanigans surrounding the US presidential election (rather than laughing at our own pugilistic politicians)?

If so, you may recall one of those emails that did the rounds - the one that was addressed to the citizens of the United States of America, from the subjects of the United Kingdom, with the subject line Notice of Revocation.

It began: "In the light of your failure to elect anybody as President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves and, by extension, the free world, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories including New Jersey."

Even if you didn't receive it, you get the idea. Well, we tracked down the man who claims to have written it - a certain Dan Fox, a consultant who clearly has too much time on his hands.

He told us the idea came to him in the pub after work one night. He sent it to 13 friends, from whence it ended up being forwarded all over the world. It was read out on CBS. It appeared in several national newspapers in the UK.

With charming understatement, Fox said: "It's fascinating to see how these things can snowball."

Indeed - just ask Claire Swires' friends (see Smutty email pranksters avoid sack http://www.silicon.com/a41710 if your memories need jogging).

Mr Fox now muses on how much money he could have made if he'd been able to copyright his work.

Typical consultant.

Despite being in the grip of election fever, Britain's first-time voters are more aware of the names of computer game characters than they are of the country's leading politicians.

A survey by Dixons revealed that 97 per cent of 18-22 year olds know who Lara Croft is. Thirty-three per cent would recognise Ann Widdecombe.

Ninety-one per cent know who Sonic the Hedgehog is. Forty-two per cent are familiar with Gordon Brown.

Depressing, isn't it? Maybe if Gordon dyed his skin blue, had a spiky haircut and started hanging around with a small fox, the young electorate would become a wee bit less apathetic.

Mind you, we wouldn't fancy the fox's chances if the Tories do somehow get elected.

In related news, another survey, this time of university students in New Jersey, has found that about 15 per cent of them felt their internet use had got out of control, and believed their studies were suffering as a result.

Modern youth, eh? In the Round-Up's day, the most common addictions were sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll. OK, so these activities may not have been entirely healthy, but at least you actually ended up with some friends.

The Round-Up will be back next Friday.