Making something out of nothing

Still reeling from the shock of Carly and Michael's engagement - to say nothing of Kate Winslett's sad separation - the Weekly Round-Up's dodgy ticker couldn't take any more surprises this week.

Luckily it didn't have to.

Seven days that started with such a bang ended with something you'd be hard pressed to call a whimper. Yesterday, this arrived in the Round-Up inbox: "'No clear theme emerges in quiet month' says find.co.uk."

Find.co.uk is a directory of financial websites and it monitors which areas in the world of finance prove most appealing to its users. It then compiles a monthly Top 10 and punts it out to other news outlets in the hope of some reflected publicity. Nothing wrong with the strategy but the execution surely leaves something to be desired when the best angle you take is 'no clear theme in quiet month'. Hardly 'man bites dog'.

Still, we're writing about it (and you're reading about it) so what can we teach others about the laws of publishing? Perhaps this is post-modern PR - forget the scandals, war of words and the rest, it's reassuring tedium that sells.

Almost forgot... Car insurance is still keeping personal loans off the number one spot in Find's Top 10. Home insurance is a lowly ninth while September will almost certainly see fund management - currently clinging on to tenth spot - falling off the index altogether.

Find.co.uk - we salute you.

If we are indeed entering a new era of public relations then Lionel Lim, Sun Microsystems's South Asia MD, has surely got a glittering future.

Asked in the wake of the week's mega merger who would be the real winner of the $20.3bn HP/Compaq deal, Lim played a quick round of mental multiple choice. Three options flashed through his mind as he dealt with Reuters' far-from-taxing question:

a) HP and Compaq
b) Sun [Brain to Lionel: 'choose this one']
c) A.N.Other

Unfortunately, Lionel chose c). "There will be at least 12-18 months of confusion at the merged entity and Dell has the opportunity to capture market share," he said.

The technical term for this is 'spooning it over the bar from five yards' - or 'a Rosenthal' for real aficionados.

Another man who may wish to choose his words more carefully in future is Webb McKinney, VP of HP's personal computing group. Speaking in April, he declared: "It is hard to find a successful example of one PC company buying another."

Damn right, Webb. But did your boss listen to your words of wisdom? Did she hell.

Still, just like the sports fan that'll put money on his team losing in the knowledge that he'll have financial consolation should his favourites be defeated, Webb has (inadvertently) hedged his bets.

Should the merger go without a hitch (pretty long odds), our man will be pleasantly surprised and as VP of PCs in a handy position to take the credit. However, should things go pear-shaped (2/1 on) he'll be able to pace up and down his Palo Alto office like the blind pessimist we suspect he is, spouting phrases like 'what did I tell you?' and 'you just wouldn't listen' in a self-satisfied whine.

If you haven't had your fill of all things HP and Compaq, check out some of our serious - and not so serious - coverage here:

WHY HP WENT FOR COMPAQ
http://www.silicon.com/a47109
HP AND COMPAQ: THE FIVE BEST QUOTES YET
http://www.silicon.com/a47107
WHAT THE ANALYSTS MAKE OF IT
http://www.silicon.com/a47103
'WE USE COMPAQ SERVERS IN OUR BUSINESS... TODAY I BOUGHT DELL'
http://www.silicon.com/a47143

'Code Red ate my bonus!' So read news from the beginning of the week, putting the cost of the virus at $2.6bn. According to research firm, Computing Economic - who did the number crunching - that's how much Code Red has set businesses back in lost revenues and the repair of infected systems.

As you'll recall Code Red hit at the end of July and the beginning of August (that's right, August as in the 'quiet month'). It's not, however, the costliest virus on record. That honour, Computing Economics tell us, goes to last year's Love Bug which cost businesses $8.7bn.

Nevertheless, one more big outbreak and 2001 will beat last year's total destruction bill of $15bn.

It's enough to drive an IT director to distraction

[Lame link alert] Speaking of driving, a survey out this week claims IT bosses are more likely to get caught speeding than their workers. Defying the stereotypes of boy-racer sales staff and flash-Harry IT contractors, it seems the champagne Charlies on the board are more likely to get spotted driving too fast.

Systems Plaza, who commissioned the survey, failed to provide an explanation for the findings. But, as we observed earlier in the week, Freud probably wouldn't have been short of a reason or two.

In the annals of pointless surveys Systems Plaza's effort sits somewhere between the online banking poll which discovered 'Women prefer Egg' (http://www.silicon.com/a46717 ) and a little wonder entitled 'Yorkshire browsers say nay to trousers' (http://www.silicon.com/a46352 ).

The Round-Up will be sticking its finger in the air and gauging public opinion again next Friday.