Walter Hewlett vs HP-Compaq: this time it's personal

Walter thinks the proposed $24bn merger between HP and Compaq is a bad idea that will ruin dad's company and send his hefty share options the way of the dodo.

When the merger was first announced last September a surprised industry exclaimed "Well slap my cheeks and call me Bernard!" but since then it seems to have cooled a little on the idea.

In fact, the general feeling these days seems to be "Is she really going out with him?" and the HP and Compaq boards are a tad concerned.

Now the HP head honchos are well aware of Walter's concerns and are taking them very seriously.

In fact after sticking their fingers in their ears and shouting "Nah! Nah! Nah! We can't hear you" every time he walked in the room for a couple of months, they ended writing a letter to the shareholders telling them how daft Walter was being, and probably hoped the worst was over.

They clearly underestimated their foe, because this got Walter even more het up. So het up in fact that he's learned HTML.

His www.votenotohpcompaq.com website will track his attempts to block the deal and features financial analysis explaining what a bad idea it all is.

Not to be out-done, HP and Compaq chiefs Carly Fiorina (who bears an uncanny resemblance to Carmela Soprano) and Mike Capellas (who doesn't) have launched their own website - except this one says "Go on, go on, go on, go on...".

The EU gave the deal the green light without conditions on 31 January, which must have come as a big relief to Mike and Carly.

The alternative - a three-month review period - would surely have given Walter enough time to add attractive Flash graphic elements to his site. And maybe a bit of Dynamic HTML that made the words "you can stick your *&$£% merger up your ass" follow the cursor round the screen like a little snake.

Still, this one's likely to run and run, so expect www.idratherinvestinEnronthanHPCompaq.com and www.walterhewlettsmells.com anytime soon...

Lots to get through this week so not enough time to go into much detail on the annual event in Japan showcasing the latest technological breakthroughs.

It's enough to say that the winner this year is expected to be a car shaped like a ladybird powered by hamsters running on little wheels...

A fake investment website created by the Securities and Exchange Commission attracted over 120,000 hits from unwary surfers over the weekend after a press release announcing the creation of McWortle Enterprises was released last Friday.

Visitors to the site could view a series of financial reports and analysts' endorsement of the company.

The site was intended to make imprudent investors aware that such scams exist on the web. The SEC said it intends to release other fake sites in the future.

At time of writing, rumours that claim the website will read "click here to invest in the healthy future of Marconi" could not substantiated...

The latest game to sweep the web is called Googlewhacking.

The game involves searching Google's massive two-billion page database for two words that return a "Results 1 out of 1" message at the top of the page.

However, a Googlewhack doesn't remain one for long because players post the link on the game's website ensuring that it will consequently return two results.

All entries, or Googlefactors, must be verified via the dictionary.com website.

The Round-Up has better things to do than waste time playing silly games but for the record "portakabin monkey" got 30 hits, "Cheddar homunculus" got 10, while "slimy sandpaper" got a disappointing 712 - so it's not as easy as it sounds.

Click here http://www.silicon.com/a50923 to find out more - or to add any Googlewhackers you might find.

(If you play this game with your colleagues you get a fascinating, if occasionally frightening, insight into how their minds work. The silicon.com reporter who shouted: "I can't believe liquorice flagellation returns 29 results" is now being given a wide berth in the newsroom.)

The last thing in the world anyone wants to be harassed by is a cow with a mobile phone. Except possibly a wombat with a Blackberry.

So pity poor Caroline Lenaerts who for two weeks was plagued by calls from a cow whose owner had rigged its milking machine to a mobile phone to call him if it malfunctioned. Except he accidentally programmed the wrong number.

We've herd of churn rate worries giving a mobile company beef, but this latest news cud mean there's moo at steak and fillet with concern.

Sorry, this joke has been milked long enough...

In udder news this week, the QXL auction for the hand of Kay Hammond has ended and it seems Kay has finally bagged a man.

If you recall, Hammond is a 24-year-old from Birmingham who's been so busy being an internet entrepreneur that she hasn't had time to find herself a nice chap to marry - so she decided to auction herself online.

Ben Webb successfully bid £251,000 for the hand of Miss Hammond on QXL after weeks of frenetic bidding (alright, there were just two bids).

The other e-suitor, Andrew1901, placed a bid at a quarter to two on the morning of 15 January - so either he was a US or Australian bidder or a British lad who staggered back from the pub, did some late night surfing and woke up the next morning wondering what he bought the previous night on QXL.

But best of wishes to Ben and Kay for the forthcoming nuptials and with news this good the Round-Up can't help singing...

"I don't care too much for money, money can't buy me love

Can't buy me love, everybody tells me so
Can't buy me love, no, no, no, no..."

The Round-Up will be back in fine voice next week...