Pity poor Ralf Schumacher

Not only is he not as good as his prodigiously chinned elder brother Michael, he's sick to the back teeth of hearing about it during dinner at the Schumacher house every Sunday.

If that wasn't bad enough, he's also starting to suspect that junior team mate and sworn enemy Juan Pablo Montoya may be a better driver than him as well.

So the last thing he needs to be told as he's doing 120mph in third gear around a bend with a Minardi closing down on him is that a 14-year old script kiddie tanked up to the eyeballs on Alco-pops and bored of playing Grand Turismo 3 has taken control of his traction and fuel settings remotely and is playing it for real.

It appears that Formula 1 drivers' cars could come under attack from malicious hackers this season following a decision by the sport's governing body, the FIA, to allow trackside teams to make changes to cars remotely during a race.

The use of bi-directional telemetry technology has previously been banned since 1993.

The technology allows trackside technicians to tweak cars electronically during a race and send remote commands via a microwave link.

The driver then chooses to acknowledge the changes, which can affect operations like traction control and fuel consumption, by pressing a button on his steering wheel.

However, team chiefs admit that malicious hackers could take control of cars during races and potentially sabotage them while they scream round the track at 200mph.

Williams team chief operations engineer Sam Michael told French F1 magazine Sport Auto Moto: "If your system isn't coded properly, you could potentially have a situation where it receives false messages.

"If that happens, the biggest danger you face is a change on the engine side - detonating the engine." Which is a comforting thought.

But Ralf surely won't let this affect him as he revs his 700 horsepower engine and waits for those five green lights to start the race.

Then again, as he stares at brother Michael and team mate Juan Pablo revving up their own engines ahead of him on the grid, he may wonder 'how difficult can it be for a tech-savvy racing driver to learn to hack?'

As if Priceline.com wasn't in enough trouble as it was, news breaks that major shareholder and former Starship Enterprise captain William Shatner will be recording a number of new adverts for the beleaguered dot-com.

Executives are praying he doesn't start singing - it could be the straw that breaks the camel's back.

What is this Earth thing you call Chapter 11...

Alpha Bravo! Alpha Bravo! Carly's on the offensive! Carly's on the offensive!

Deep in his foxhole in the HP boardroom embattled grunt Walter Hewlett considers his options, counts his allies and tries to work out his next plan of attack.

Each time he launches a fresh offensive, Carly's got something in reserve. He launched his own website condemning the Compaq merger, the HP board designed a better one in favour of it.

Walter outlines an alternative vision of a Compaq-less HP with a spun off printer business,
Carly tells the press it's not a plan it's a press release.

Should his next plan be to threaten to sell all his shares? Or should he spread fear, uncertainty and doubt by drawing a parallel between HP CEO Carly Fiorina's full first name - Carelton - and that of the struggling TV company and the hapless "I can't believe he ever played for England" manager of Stockport County (Fourteen points from 35 games?).

But back to the front line, and things are looking desperate as the shareholder vote looms ever closer and the temperature is getting so desperately hot it would take a brave man dressed in a thermal blast suit to wave a thermometer anywhere near the boardroom.

So Walter readies himself for the final desperate push and with Barber's Adagio for Strings beginning to swell in his head he prepares to leap out of his foxhole and make the final charge holding his arms up to heaven. It looks FUBAR.

But wait, a distant bugle carried on the morning breeze can mean only one thing: reinforcements are on the way. David Packard, son of the other HP founder Dave, has parachuted in to provide essential back-up.

With renewed hope Walter announces that Fiorina stands to receive as much as $70m in bonuses from the HP board. Self interest - always a good card.

Sweeping in from the other flank: David Packard reveals that the majority of employees he polled at some HP divisions oppose the deal. (Then again seeing as around 15,000 of them will lose their jobs if the merger goes through it's hardly surprising.)

So it's back to the foxhole to wait for the next fire fight. Shareholders vote on the merger on 19 March. Walter wonders: on this day will HP celebrate its independence?

The former MD of Apple UK and current Scoot.com director has been saved from assassination by the Sunday People.

One the paper's reporters posed as a contract killer after his estranged wife tried to make contact with the criminal underground.

The lady wanted to get rid of her hubby to get her mitts on his million pound plus fortune through an insurance scam.

The reporter met with the woman (described as a cold-blooded, red-haired five-foot tall beauty) who said she'd pay him £20,000 to kill her husband and make it look like a bungled car-jacking.

The paper went to the police and the wife was arrested.

And who said IT's boring?

And finally, the Round-Up doffs its cap in the general direction of BT (stay with us).

The telco this week slashed wholesale broadband prices by around 50 per cent.

This is a positive move for Broadband Britain and the extent of the cuts took most analysts (and tech journalists) by surprise.

However, according to silicon.com readers the main barrier to the uptake of broadband isn't financial it's geographical, with many complaining that unless you live in a large conurbation you have as much chance of getting fast internet access as Carlton Palmer has of being given the freedom of Stockport.

But we'll leave the last word this week to one of our readers who expressed his own frustration at the challenges of getting cut-price broadband.

"I could live in a flat above the exchange but I still am not going to get broadband..."

Mr Verwaayen's next challenge? The gauntlet is at his feet...

The Round-Up will be back in the vicinity of your inbox next Friday, whether you can pick it up or not is an entirely different matter...