The Weekly Round-Up: 14.11.03

Apple's marketing department is not averse to the odd bit of hyperbole.

Inevitably, you've got to blame Steve Jobs. After all, this is a man who makes PT Barnum sound like the disgruntled phone sales rep who tried (and utterly failed) to sell the Round-Up a new kitchen on Wednesday night.

Consider the evidence: At the recent launch of the iTunes Store for Windows, Jobs claimed it was the greatest Windows application ever developed.

At the launch of the 'anglepoise' iMac in January 2002, a feverish Jobs turned the computer over and gushed to the crowd: "This is the most beautiful bottom of a computer I've ever seen."

One of Apple's latest marketing campaigns touts the recently released PowerMac G5 as the "world's fastest, most powerful computer". And it has the benchmarks to prove it.

Or does it? As soon as the tag-line was announced the geek community leapt on it and was fiercely debating the merits of the benchmarks.

Critics claimed that had the G5 been tested against a PC running the Windows OS (the benchmarks tested a Linux-powered PC) and an Intel-optimised compiler the results would have been different.

While Jobs seemed to convince the crowds at the Apple Expo of the benchmark's validity it seems his famous 'reality distortion field' doesn't work by proxy because this week the case was closed (in the UK at least) by the Independent Television Commission.

The ITC has banned the PowerMac G5 ad from British screens after it upheld eight separate complaints that objected to the computer maker's slogan.

The Commission said the ad was misleading and accused the Mac maker of using benchmarks that favoured its technology unfairly.

The statement added: "Furthermore, it shared one viewer's doubt that the claim could be substantiated at all because, as evidence for and against the claim had shown, computers were constantly being updated and had many different applications and benchmarks."

While the megahertz myth remains locked inexorably in consumers' minds as one of the key selling points of computers, Apple would surely be better off touting the Mac's ease of use rather than telling us how fast it goes - a battle even the most hardened Apple-phile would admit was won by Intel long ago. After all, the Mac OS has long been the fruit-coloured jewel in the company's aluminium crown.

Still, Apple isn't the only company guilty of shamelessly embellishing its product range.

Take Oracle for instance. Back in late 2001 the database giant touted its latest product as being 'unbreakable'. It was a bold claim that was meant to appeal to an industry preoccupied with security scares - and simultaneously aiming a kick at the proverbials of old nemesis Bill Gates, whose company was being accused of causing a fair few of them.

Unfortunately, the 'unbreakable' database turned out to be breakable.

And then there's that ad making the rounds at the moment for Intel's wireless Centrino technology. The ad features a grizzled mountaineer logging on to a laptop on the side of a blizzard-swept mountain range to effortlessly pick up a digital postcard from one of his kids. Possible? Yes - just.

Back in the real world, intrepid silicon.com columnist Peter Cochrane has trouble connecting to a wireless LAN in European hotel rooms.

Or take that Windows XP ad where the chap actually starts to fly, swooping around to a backdrop of Madonna caterwauling about rays of light.

Alright, so that one was meant to be 'metaphorical'. Or something. But you get the general idea.

Over-selling in the tech industry? Who'd have thunk it? If you want more comment on the extent of the gap between what tech firms promise in their ads and what they deliver to the marketplace, click here.

In the meantime, let us know who you think the biggest culprits of marketing hyperbole and tech over-selling by emailing us as at editorial@silicon.com.

This week marks the 20th anniversary of the birth of the computer virus and despite the landmark date the Round-Up is pretty sure there won't be many celebrations kicking off in IT departments around the world.

The first virus was created in November 1983 by US computing student Fred Cohen as a proof of concept project during his studies. Twenty years later virus writing is on the curriculum.

To commemorate the anniversary silicon.com invited some of the biggest names in security (anti-virus experts that is, not nightclub doormen) to don party hats and gorge themselves silly on jelly and blancmange.

The smiles vanished from their faces as soon as they realised we were going to make them work for their party food as we asked them to look back on 20 years of malware and the state we're in now.

You can read the full article here.

Asked if he had a birthday message for the virus writers, Computer Associates' Simon Perry said: "I'm reminded of those trick birthday candles that you can never blow out no matter how hard you try.

"The virus writers can all take as many blows at us as they want but we're going to keep adapting and we're going to keep the IT flame burning." Stirring words.

Having imparted their words of wisdom we sent them on their way into the balmy evening, each clutching little squares of birthday cake wrapped in paper napkins...

Drum roll please... the greatest technological gadget of the last 40 years is... the widget. (Drummer drops his sticks, looks embarrassed, coughs, lights a fag.)

Readers of gadget magazine T3 have voted the little nitrogen capsule that sits inside cans of beer the very pinnacle of technological achievement.

Better than the internet, which came second with 13 per cent, or mobile phones, which were placed third with seven per cent of the vote.

Better presumably than the technology that took man to the moon? Or, depending on which side of the conspiratorial fence you stand on, the technology that managed to trick the world into thinking it had when in fact it was all one big hoax (click here for incontrovertible evidence).

Now the Round-Up won't deny it likes a good pint but surely the title of king (or queen?) of the gadgets belongs to something rather more groovy than something that makes pale, northern beer taste creamy and vile rather than just bubbly and vile?

So what's it going to be? The ZX81? Sony Walkman? Pub-detecting watches? The Segway Human Transporter? (You boy, stop tittering at the back.)

Give us your nomination for greatest gadget of all time by emailing editorial@silicon.com and, who knows, you might feature in next week's column and get a grand prize of some sort (which is almost certainly going to be the winter line in snazzy vendor-ware).

And finally, Cumbrian hairdresser Ronnie Campbell was shocked to find his inbox packed with emails of a highly confidential nature from the House of Commons.

The top secret emails were actually meant for an entirely different Ronnie Campbell - the Labour MP for Blyth Valley in Northumberland. But thanks to a bit of digital blunderitis they were sent to the wrong man, which is a comforting thought.

Ronnie (the hairdresser, not the MP) runs a salon in Salon Barrow-in-Furness and described some of the content in the emails as "frightening".

Some emails detailed UK policy on Iraq while another contained a sneak preview of Tony Blair's conference speech.

"I'm just a hairdresser but I could have been a terrorist, that's the worrying thing," he told the BBC.

He may not be a terrorist but the Round-Up would still like to try him for crimes against the English language for calling his salon the Kutting Krew.

Then again, if Ronnie has had access to confidential information maybe the government could offer him a job to ensure it stays within the government- there must be an opening for a perm-anent secretary?

Until next week, the Round-Up will be ruing its decision to inflict the weakest pun in history on its unsuspecting readership and thrashing its back with a birch branch. In the meantime, take a gander at the best stories of the week and sorry, the Round-Up is so very, very sorry...

EXCLUSIVE: eBay warns of new fraud

Peter Cochrane's Uncommon Sense: Wi-Fi versus soap and towels

Michael Moore ticked off about e-voting

Japanese firm honours '90 per cent off' PC blunder

Beware of spammers bearing Christmas gifts