The Weekly Round-Up: 19.12.03

Christmas means many things to many people but in the 21st century it means one thing to most: shopping.

This is expected to be a bumper year for ecommerce with gadgets leading the way this Christmas.

The Round-Up is by no stretch of the imagination an organised person. Christmas shopping every year means rushing around shopping centres two days before the 25th in a blind panic.

Despite an assertion to complete the whole experience online from the comfort of the sofa with a glass of mulled wine to hand and Cliff Richard playing on the stereo the pathetic number of gifts bought so far (zero) suggest a last-minute trip to the over-crowded shopping centre is inevitable.

Sound familiar? If it does then never fear, you can still get some top tips on how to finish, top-up or (God help you) start your shopping here.

The best places to get your Yuletide gadgets, from MP3 players to fine wine to music (yes, lots of people still buy it) all in one place. Our present to you.

Meanwhile, silicon.com columnist Peter Cochrane shares his list to Santa here.

And if you have managed to complete the entire shopping process online, the Round-Up salutes you...

Three German teenagers are under investigation for fraud this week after spending €130m in a two-hour internet shopping spree.

The 19-year-olds splashed out on aircraft, artwork, industrial machinery, patents and restaurants and after hacking into an account on an online auction site.

When police in the western town of Limburg asked them their motives for the shopping spree they replied they were "bored". Kids.

However, if they had got away with it there would have been raised eyebrows in a few Teutonic households this Christmas.

"Mein Lieblingssohn, what a lovely gift, but when I told you I wanted a tomcat I meant a pussy cat not a fighter plane..."

Despite claims by some analysts that camera phones are a menace the gadget is one of the must-have festive gifts of 2003.

A report by Textually, a website that reviews the monitors the camera phone industry, claims sales are rising rapidly as people find innovative uses for the devices.

One of them is 'cellcerting', which involves holding a camera phone above your head at concerts, in lieu of the traditional lighter (or topless girl, depending on what kind of concerts you go to), and snapping away.

Meanwhile, shoppers have been taking shots of clothes in shops and sending them to friends for instant advice on whether they should buy.

On a related note, Japanese school kids have been taking pictures of hairstyles in fashion magazines and sending them to friends for approval without needing to buy the magazine - something apparently referred to as digital shoplifting.

Got a broken car part but don't know the name or make of it? No problem. Take a picture of it and send it to the garage. (For more suggestions click here.)

Meanwhile, the Round-Up is proud to say it has joined the mobile camera revolution. Sort of.

Finding itself in a kitchen shop recently and knowing that the better half wanted a butter dish to go with the nice new crockery, the Round-Up whipped out the T610 and took a few snaps of a particularly nice specimen.

Later that evening, the Round-Up's other half took one look at the pictures and said: "You idiot, that's not a butter dish, it's an ashtray."

Still, at least not buying the ashtray saved the Round-Up a fiver.

Staying with mobiles for a moment, there are some times when it is inappropriate to use a phone.

Behind the steering wheel of a moving car for starters.

Or in a cinema, say 20 minutes into a film where one hobbit is telling another that his ring is giving him terrible grief.

Another time it's inappropriate to use a mobile phone is during a game of American football. Especially if you happen to be playing in it.

After scoring a touchdown this week New Orleans Saints wide receiver Joe Horn decided to give his mom a call from the end zone.

A team member produced a mobile phone from under the pads that line the goal post and Horn called home. The Saints were penalised for unsportsmanlike conduct for his moment of mobile madness.

Post-touchdown celebrations have always been extravagant in American football but some recent have got a little out of hand.

Last year, San Francisco 49ers' receiver Terrell Owens pulled a pen from his sock after scoring against Seattle, signed the ball and handed it to his financial consultant seated on the touchlines.

Perhaps American footballers should look to another sport with funny shaped balls for a bit if advice on conduct - rugby.

After all, you never see Jonny Wilkinson giving his mum a call before kicking a penalty: "Hi mum, can you see me? Watch this one, I'm going to bounce it in off the post!"

(Although sponsors O2 might not mind the extra exposure.)

We can only hope American footballers stick to playing the game and start acting with a little more dignity.

And get rid of the crash helmets and silly shoulder pads while you're at it. Big girls...

Alternatively you might want to buy your loved one an operating system upgrade this Christmas.

Despite the best efforts of Microsoft's marketing juggernaut it seems some people just can't be persuaded to make the leap from earlier versions of Windows.

The software giant this week announced it will stop selling Windows 98 at the end of this month. However, a recent survey (released by technology consultant AssetMetrix) reports that a substantial number of consumers (and businesses, large and small) continue to remain committed to earlier incarnations of the operating system.

Google reported that 29 per cent of searches done in September came from machines running Windows 98, as compared with 38 per cent from Windows XP-based PCs and 20 per cent from Windows 2000 machines.

So head over to here and get your mitts on an upgrade so your loved one can take advantage of some "Super cool Winter fun packs for Windows XP".

Alternatively, if you want to avoid tears on Boxing Day maybe you'd be better off going here or here. Or maybe there'll be tears whatever.

Lastly on the Christmas shopping front, if you live in Europe and were hoping for a Ginger Christmas you may be sorely disappointed.

Simply riding a Segway in a number of EU states, including France, Holland and Germany, is likely to land you in hot water as the devices are yet to receive approval as legal modes of transport, according to Wired.

But never fear. If you are determined to give someone you love the gift of SHT this Christmas there is a new EU regulation in place that allows you to take your hot-rod, gyroscopic speed beast out of the garage and onto the open road. Or pavements, to be 100 per cent accurate.

You are permitted to ride an electronic transportation device on pavements in Europe just as long as you don't go any faster than six kilometres an hour (3.7 miles per hour), which is the equivalent of a steady walk and kind of defeats the whole point of owning a Segway.

Anyway, at those speeds you'd be in series danger of being overtaken by one of those granny buggies.

In which case you may be better off buying a granny buggy.

After all, they're probably cheaper, offer you somewhere to put the shopping bags and you'll look marginally less daft riding one compared to a Segway...

And finally, the Round-Up last week asked you to send us your best Christmas jokes. As usual you didn't disappoint.

What we got ranged from dreadful to marvellous to absurd to downright obscene and unprintable.

However, the Round-Up's two favourites are:

Two snowmen standing next to each other. One says to the other: "Can you smell carrots?"

And:

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

"In honour of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "you must each possess something that symbolises Christmas to get into heaven."

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter.

He flicked it on. "It represents a candle," he said.

"You may pass through the pearly gates," Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys.

He shook them and said: "They're bells"

Saint Peter said he may pass through the pearly gates.

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's pants.

Saint Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked: "And just what do those symbolise?"

The man replied: "They're Carol's."

Until next year the Round-Up will be making its world famous cranberry sauce, stuffing itself with turkey, drinking copious amounts of wine and playing with its new gadgets. (Fingers crossed for a swanky mini-camcorder.)

The Weekly Round-Up will return on the 9 January 2004. Until then, from everyone at silicon.com: Have a very merry Christmas and a ridiculously happy new year.

If you have a moment, please take our quick 15 second survey all about identity theft.

And before you go... here are some recent headlines we don't think you should miss:

Peter Cochrane's Uncommon Sense: A Christmas wish list

Salesforce.com files for IPO

Exclusive: Barclays nears £450m offshore outsourcing deal with Accenture

CIO Jury: Linux ready for the big time

ID theft: Who's getting hold of your personal data?

'Steal to order' phone theft crackdown