The Weekly Round-Up: 02.04.04

As the famous saying goes: "April Fool has been and gone...

...but what the hell let's carry on." Or words to that effect.

silicon.com opened a whole can of beans this year when we joined in with the annual prank fest by running a story about the ban on driving while holding a mobile phone being lifted in London. (See here for the full story.)

The article explained that as traffic in London tends to move more slowly, drivers can afford a little distraction from their handsets. But for those who fell for this prank - and there were thousands who did - the explanation that really got people's backs up was the suggestion that Londoners are 'too important' to be bound by laws that govern the rest of the country.

The Round-Up will let the fictitious MP quoted in the article explain. "London is the financial heart of Britain. Who is to say that a driver on a mobile phone isn't sealing a deal which will benefit the whole country?" he asked.

At this point some readers from outside the capital were starting to simmer somewhere below boiling point... but what came next really pushed them over the edge.

The 'MP' continued: "Are you telling me that a businessman in London should just let his phone ring and miss out on a million pound deal just because of this legislation? These people aren't farmers or parents on the school run - these people are brokering the deals which will put the Great back into Great Britain."

And that's when it happened. Angry emails and reader comments started to flood in. One PR company (who will remain nameless... for now) even demanded to know the identity of this obnoxious politician (that narrows it down a bit).

The people of Britain - or at least those who had missed the joke - were up in arms.

Take this missive from one Lancashire-based reader, which was fairly typical of the ire vented in response to the story: "Words escape me! Yet again we see the blatant disregard for anybody outside of the village. Who is the MP who regards his and Londoners' business to be more important than mine? You can stick your law where the sun don't shine!" (That is Lancashire isn't it?)

But many readers were also quick to realise it was a joke and take it with the good humour intended. David Sparkes, who sounds like a wise and considered man, spotted the joke, but also spotted a heavy dose of irony: "In the current political climate, who can tell the April Fools from the real legislation?"

He's got a point.

But, not being one to play by the rules, silicon.com wasn't finished there. You see the real April Fool here wasn't that there was a spoof story... it was the fact there were two. So while many readers were congratulating themselves for spotting that one, they blundered into irate disbelief at the second story to appear on the site about UK prisoners being given laptops and Wi-Fi access as part of an initiative called 'Con-Nections'. (See here for the full story.)

Likewise the gullible who fell for the first also fell for the second, while some were left in a terrible no-man's land - unsure which of the two must have been the fool. (Whoever said there could be only one? With the obvious exception of Christophe Lambert in 'The Highlander'...)

"Jon" from Manchester wrote in to say: "Okay... now I'm confused. Which one of today's bizarre stories is the joke?"

It was a ploy that trapped a lot of people and inspired more angry responses.

The story included a 'quote' from a resident of Princetown, Devon who lives in the shadow of HMP Dartmoor.

He said: "I think this is disgraceful. I can't even get broadband to my house and now I hear there are people in [the prison] who are going to be surfing the internet on laptops at broadband speeds. "It looks like the best chance I have of getting broadband access is to go out and rob a car."

And many of you felt his pain. But most who fell for the prank were stirred more by the injustices of providing such high-tech luxury to convicted criminals.

One reader asked: "What's to stop these people continuing their life of crime from inside the prison cell once they have this internet access?

Well... there's the fact that it's made up - that could prove an obstacle.

Another irate reader, presumably fuming as she furiously typed, said: "You have got to be kidding!" (Yeah, we were) "I had to wait for two years for my town in Somerset to get broadband and some murderer gets it for free? Christ! The scheme should be scrapped and that woman interviewed should be bloody sacked."

Consider it done - after all, we made her up, so we can certainly sack her. This Somerset reader wasn't the only one to attack the entirely fictitious Stephanie Cooper, founder of the Con-Nections initiative.

But another hapless reader put aside concerns about the morality (or reality) of the project - viewing it solely as an opportunity to make some money for his company (who we're not going to give publicity by naming).

He emailed in to say: "I appreciate the opportunity to have read your article recently published on silicon.com regarding Stephanie Cooper's new wireless project for prison convicts. Do you happen to have a contact email address for Stephanie? My company produces a freeware video chat and video email messaging application..."

Oh dear. And this man is a director of his firm.

(For the record. We replied and suggested he try Stephanie@AprilFool.com - though we advised he check the publish date of the article before doing so. However, the happy reply we got, thanking us for the address, suggests the penny still hasn't quite dropped.)

The prank even reached the corridors of power. Tom Watson MP and Richard Allan MP both admired our jape.

Allan, Liberal Democrat MP for Sheffield Hallam, (with tongue placed firmly in cheek) commented: "What a wonderful idea! I take back everything I've ever said about our Home Secretary being the most right-wing since Genghis Khan. He is clearly an enlightened man who understands that access to the internet can turn even the most hardened criminal into a worthwhile member of society. I shall table a motion in Parliament congratulating him on this most appropriate of days for this announcement."

Last week, the Round-Up recounted the tale of a university student who sold her virginity online for £8,400 in order to fund her degree studies.

Cue much debate on the morality of a prostitution-based further education funding model. But one comment which stood out was this one which was (presumably) posted from the mid 19th century:

"If more wives honoured their marital vows and 'did it' more often, men wouldn't have to waste household budget or lie about it."

At that point our jaws dropped in the silicon.com office. In boxing terms, it's the perfect one-two, 'wifely duties' followed by mention of 'housekeeping money' - a sucker-punch of super-sexist proportions. Either that or somebody isn't 'getting any' - though with sweet talkin' like that the Round-Up is at a loss as to why that might be.

"Come on love, I've put the housekeeping money on the table, so it's time you performed your wifely duties."

As romance goes it's not exactly Cyrano De Bergerac is it... hell, it's not even Jim Bergerac.

Moving on. Quote of the week

"People would rather be robbed than wear something less stylish."

No, not the words of the inventor of the socks-and-sandals combo, but the words of an Apple employee when questioned on why the company won't consider shipping the iPod with earphones other than the standard issue white, after the distinctive 'buds' were identified as a call to arms for muggers.

The Round-Up admires Apple's creative temperament but thinks the point could have been expressed a little more sensitively (though there are suggestions that the quote, which spread through the media like wildfire this week, has been a little misrepresented.)

(We also admire all the people with @mac.com email addresses who jumped to the defence of the company when they believed we were criticising Apple: see here)

Others, however, have been quick to point out that the white 'buds' should be replaced not because of their 'invite to mug' potential - but just because they're actually not all that good (nor do they stand up to being sat on - the Round-Up, who now uses black headphones, can confirm).

The sad statement this all makes isn't so much anti-Apple but more anti-what Apple is perceived to stand for. Form over function. Yes, the iPod works tremendously, but it's selling based on appearance, rather than functionality - which is a critique of consumers not the company (hats off to Apple for cashing in).

Word reaches us from America (where else?) of consumers buying mini-iPods in all colours in order to accessorise with different outfits. What can you say?

"And finally" (and never has that News at 10 convention for announcing the silly 'rollerskating dog' story been more appropriate than it is right now), a woman in Germany shocked police recently when she called them out to an emergency in the wee small hours the night.

The emergency? Her hamster, Teddy, was stuck in her printer. What Teddy was doing in the printer is anybody's guess but after being refused help by the local animal shelter and the vet (who with a glorious helping of Teutonic pragmatism suggested she try a printer engineer), she turned in desperation to the police.

The Round-Up realises now how woefully inadequate GCSE German really was. Fine, the Round-Up could easily find a Bahnhof or order some Schwartzwaldekirschtorte but would be entirely stumped should a hamster get stuck in a printer.

However, by the time the police had drawn lots to decide which unlucky officer would have to tend to the 'emergency', a helpful neighbour had popped around and managed to pull the hamster out of the printer (which is presumably less impressive than pulling a rabbit out of a hat). By the time the no doubt underwhelmed officer had turned up, Teddy was fast asleep in his cage.

***One last thing before the Round-Up takes its leave of you for another week - in June the Round-Up and a team of colleagues from our London office are taking part in the 3Peaks Challenge - climbing Ben Nevis, Scafell Pike and Snowdon (the three highest mountains in Scotland, England and Wales respectively) over the course of one weekend. The challenge is incredibly gruelling but we are doing it for an excellent cause - UK homeless charity Shelter.

If you can spare any money to sponsor us, please donate securely online at: www.justgiving.com/CNet_3Peaks or for more information, or to impart advice on preventing blisters, email editorial@silicon.com.

Until next week, here's some news:

AOL raffles off spammer's confiscated Porsche

Dell 'learns its lesson' after Indian call centre chaos

Contractors sneaked in via the stationery cupboard

UK IT directors most overworked in Europe

IM spam: A threat or a storm in a teacup