The Weekly Round-Up: 07.05.04

Rest assured the Round-Up contains much wit, silliness and all the usual humour this week but let us open on a slightly serious note.

The Round-Up was saddened last weekend to hear of the serious car accident in Morocco which left lastminute.com co-founder Martha Lane Fox seriously injured and in need of emergency surgery.

Ms Lane Fox is now back in London where she continues to receive treatment for her extensive injuries and the Round-Up hopes Martha makes a full and speedy recovery from the ordeal – our thoughts are with her and her family.

A far less laudable internet entrepreneur(ess) hit the headlines this week when she advertised for staff for her 'adult' website in a North-East Job Centre.

Emma Louise from Whitley Bay – which is clearly the sex-capital of … well, Whitley Bay - was advertising for willing volunteers who would be prepared to strip online in front of a webcam.

The Round-Up wonders whether she's thought of trying 'Dirty Den' Leslie Grantham who may be looking for a new job soon and certainly has relevant experience (and now we know how he got that nickname).

Emma, clearly aware of the downsides of such a job, told Ananova: "Some people call you a slut for doing it but it is all legal."

(For the record, so is being a slut, Emma. It's just frowned upon in some quarters.)

The advert stated that the job may not be suitable for everybody, because some nudity would be expected.

Speaking of Bush, the US President was recently picked up on his call for "universal, affordable access to broadband technology by the year 2007".

A US organisation called Information Gatekeepers Inc (IGI) has questioned whether these were actually the President's own sentiments, claiming that his words sounded remarkably similar to an IGI report which forecasts the end of dial-up by 2007.

The president of IGI, one Dr Polishuk, said: "The coincidence of the President’s plan and our forecast is remarkable."

It's not really is it, Dr Polishuk? Not if you think about it. Do you really think Dubya ever comes up with these things all by himself?

If he ever sat there and thought independently for himself: "I think 2007 is a realistic target for affordable universal broadband" then the Round-Up is a monkey's uncle (which is presumably how Prescott Bush Jr has felt at times).

(OK – admission time. The Round-Up had to turn to Google to find out who Dubya's uncle is – for the sake of a rather childish joke – but at least it's not passing off knowledge as it's own – unlike people who cheat in pub quizzes… cue seamless link to the next story.)

The Round-Up is a big fan of pub quizzes – so imagine the horror in the silicon.com offices when a press release arrived threatening "the death of the pub quiz".

The release was from a company called Re5ult which promises to spoil everybody's fun by providing an SMS resource for getting answers to all those tricky questions which otherwise might mean only honest and deserving punters win pub quizzes.

The premise is simple – text your question and get an answer.

Unconvinced, the Round-Up put the service through its paces with the sort of trivial questions thrown up by many a pub quizmaster.

Question 1:
Which US state is known as the Badger state?
This didn’t trip the service up at all… straight back with the answer 'Wisconsin'.

(Wisconsin is also known as the 'dairy state' which raises a nasty question – can you milk a badger? And if so, what does badger milk taste like?)

Question 2:
What is the chemical symbol for sodium phosphate?
NA3 PO4… hmmm… can see we are going to have to try harder, so time for a trick question.

Question 3:
Who won the 1993 Grand National?
'The 1993 Grand National didn't happen. Several false starts led to confusion and several horses completed the course not realising a false start had been called.'

Hurrumph! The message even added that Esha Ness was the first horse across the line in the National 'that never was' – which frankly is just showing off.

Finally the Round-Up thought it might have the service stymied…

Question 4:
Doesn't this spoilsport service just ruin pub quizzes for everybody?

(Let's see it get out of that!)

…but back came the answer: "No, most pubs have already banned phones for the pub quiz. Most of our customers are business people using us for lastminute financial information for a deal or locating numbers for hotels and restaurants."

Yeah, of course they are – you keep telling yourselves that… or stop putting out press releases which claim otherwise…

Finally, The Round-Up wanted to see if the service could settle some time honoured disputes.

Question 5:
Who was the best James Bond?

This one took a little longer… but even this didn't bring the service grinding to a halt. In the Round-Up's opinion it even got the answer right, offering up Sean Connery, followed by Pierce Brosnan then Roger Moore.

The Round-Up which is deeply cynical of all things was actually starting to get quite impressed at this point… so it was time to bring out the big gun.

Question 6:
What is the meaning of life?

"According to Douglas Adams' Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy the meaning of life, the universe and everything is 42."

Just as the Round-Up was about to give up, it remembered an earlier unanswered question. Could this be the Holy Grail for stumping Re5ult?

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Question 7: Can you milk a badger and if so, what does badger milk taste like?

Finally, success… all was quiet on the answer front, until a rather sheepish text arrived stating simply: "No information, no charge".

RE5ULT, indeed!!

Fortunately some pubs are wising up to the threat of modern technology. The Round-Up's work local runs a pub quiz where the host is quick to crack down on cheats and the rules clearly stipulate "the use of PDAs, mobiles, smart phones or laptops is forbidden" – which is a real sign of the times, you'll doubtless agree.

Similarly many pubs are making their quizzes predominantly picture-based – making it very difficult to cheat… until somebody brings out a mobile phone with image and facial recognition.

Speaking of pub quizzes, one of the Round-Up's bitterest memories involves losing a pub quiz by just one point after the question master insisted Team Round-Up were wrong to claim the highest mountain in England is in Cumbria.

The quizmaster and the team who scooped the eventual first prize claimed Scafell Pike, in the Lake District, is a peak in Lancashire.

Such idiocy left the Round-Up wondering where in Lancashire would this almost 1,000m high mountain be kept? Obscured by the Trafford Centre, perhaps? Or maybe tucked in behind Lancaster Cathedral?

Still, the pub burned down several weeks later – so it wasn't all bad.

Remaining on the subject of mountains, the CNET UK sponsorship drive for our 3 Peaks challenge got a welcome boost this week from the excellent boys and girls over at UK PR agency Lighthouse, who were attempting to make amends for a rather embarrassing blunder.

A reporter from our London office recently attended an event and was asked to pay his own travel expenses, which Lighthouse would reimburse him for. However, not only did he get reimbursed for his travel expenses but upon handing over his bank details he noticed that large sums of money were appearing in his account.

"Bribery!" the Round-Up hears you cry… but sadly no.

Our colleague's bank details had somehow been added to the Lighthouse payroll and a monthly salary was being paid in to his account.

Understandably, the bean-counters over at Lighthouse were keen to get the money back – as was the real employee whose wages had been misdirected.

After checking his legal position and discovering that "finders keepers, loses weepers" was no defence, the money was grudgingly handed back. But as a gesture of goodwill Lighthouse made a very generous donation to our 3 Peaks fundraising. Well done them. And thank you.

Any more donations will gratefully be taken at www.justgiving.com/CNET_3peaks and mentions in the Round-Up will be handed out willy-nilly to the highest bidder.

And finally, this week, proof that at silicon.com we really do get a glimpse of the most cutting-edge technology this industry has to offer.

Hitachi sent us a press release and accompanying photo relating to an exciting new product set to hit the market...

Click on the link here to see what it is and to read some bonus Round-Up material...

Until next week, the Round-Up is off to think of more questions to baffle Re5ult. In the meantime, here's some news:

Apple patent awarded to Microsoft

Only a consumer backlash can halt call centre offshoring

Auntie Beeb announces outsourcing winners and losers

Airport IT budgets take off as cost savings take back seat

Does 'dawn of the dead' spell the end for the web?

Napster gets ready for UK and gets into bed with Dixons