The Weekly Round-Up: 01.04.05

So what did we think?

Was Christopher Eccleston just a bit too normal? Was Billie Piper foxy enough for you? Did the plastic mannequins coming to life send the kids scuttling behind the sofa?

The Round-Up is talking of course about the new series of that British sci-fi staple Doctor Who - and opinions in Silicon Towers are divided.

Though as reported previously in this very newsletter those who didn't want to wait until last Saturday to see the first episode were able to download a copy from the internet, following a leak which greatly angered the good folk at the BBC.

Or so they said.

But suspicions were rife that the leak may well have been a controlled and calculated attempt to grow publicity around the return of the time travelling Gallifreian.

The angry outcry from within the BBC was therefore dismissed by many as just another part of this publicity stunt.

But now this week such wild speculation has been shot down in flames with news of the sacking of a Canadian television professional believed to have been the source of the leak.

We don't know who this person is. The BBC hasn't given any details of who they are or where they worked but they definitely exist. Honest.

The conspiracy theorists may well keep on guessing with this one but one thing's for sure Eccleston has had enough. The BBC announced yesterday he has quit the series and talks are already underway with the next Doctor, believed to be David Tennant, the rakish and raffish star of BBC3 costume romp Casanova.

So there goes the one and only proper Northern Doctor Who. The Round-Up knew it couldn't last.

(Before you write in, yes, Tom Baker was born in Liverpool but he doesn't exactly exude 'Northern' and Sylvester McCoy was from Scotland, which is North of 'oop North', granted but the point stands...)

Eccleston will reportedly make his last trip in the TARDIS in a 60 minute Christmas special.

Speaking of strange craft, Bill Gates has found himself a sideline – investing in high-tech, ultra-light corporate jets.

Gates is ploughing some of his fortune into the manufacturing of the Eclipse 500, a six-seater craft that will top out at 375 knots and is designed for flights of around 300 to 600 miles.

And it could be yours for the princely sum of $1.3m. The Round-Up has bought two already.

But despite all this, much of the talk has centred on the fact the plane will not have a toilet.

It's not an oversight but more an attempt to keep the weight down and maximise cabin space.

"We live and die by grams," said the CEO of Eclipse, Vern Raburn, sounding more than a little like a Colombian drug baron.

(Word of advice to manufacturers of airplanes, don't ever suggest a few grams change in weight might be the difference between life and death. It may not fill people with confidence in your product.)

The debate which grew out of this news was all about whether the lack of toilet is an issue when the plane is only designed for flights of around two hours.

Surely the executive passengers will be able to keep their legs crossed for that long.

silicon.com reader 'Mike' in Manchester wrote in to say: "BIG MISTAKE! Nobody will want to spend an hour or two in something they can't take a pee in."

Think about it. Based on that comment the Round-Up pities anybody who shares a bed with Mike who presumably is also a bit of a liability in long queues, broken lifts and lengthy meetings.

And still loosely on the subject of travel, gruesome news from Malaysia where thieves have cut off a man's finger in order to get around the biometric fingerprint-based security on his S-Class Mercedes.

The Round-Up really feels for K Kumaran, the poor victim of this terrible attack but can't help cracking a wry smile at the BBC's poor choice of words in its website report.

The BBC claims the gang was "armed"... chortle... and reports that the car is worth $75,000 "second-hand".

"Second-hand"... geddit? OK, it was no doubt totally unintentional but what Kumaran wouldn't give for a second, fully-functioning hand, the Round-Up is sure.

Continuing this theme, Mac users have been 'up in arms' this week over plans to launch a competition, with a $25,000 cash prize, for the first person to write a virus for Apple OS X.

The competition was almost inevitably scrapped over "legal problems"... those legal problems being, most specifically, the not inconsiderable problem that the competition was illegal.

Jack Campbell, the head of Apple accessories firm DVForge, who put up the prize said: "The contest was only cancelled because I was convinced on Saturday morning that there was some minor risk of federal law violation in continuing."

(We presume he meant this realisation came on him on Saturday morning and not that laws are different on Saturday mornings.)

Virus writing, illegal? Who would have thought? Next the Round-Up will be hearing it's illegal to shoot people...

What's that? Oh, is it?

Campbell's bullish intention was to prove how robust and unshakeable the Apple OS is after antivirus firm Symantec suggested the operating system could come in for increased attention from virus writers if it becomes more popular.

"Interestingly, this was actually a serious PR risk for us," said Campbell.

You think?

And finally, speaking of Macs, silicon.com today ran a story which claimed US academics have conducted research into the well-known phenomenon of 'Shakespeare's Monkeys' – which claims an infinite number of monkeys using an infinite number of typewriters would eventually write the complete works of the Bard – and discovered it would not hold true if the primates were typing on an Apple Mac.

The story cited scientists at the University of Utah who conducted experiments using 20 primates over a three-month period and found that their subjects largely shunned the four Macs running OS X in favour of keyboards attached to four machines running Windows XP.

Apparently, the closest thing to a Shakespearian line typed on the Macs was 'Ham', which the scientists recorded as three correct characters from the title of Hamlet, however, one machine running Windows XP recorded "It is the green-eyed m" – 22 correct characters from the text of tragedy Othello.

Dr Johan Klaas from the department of behavioural studies at the University of Utah, told silicon.com: "We were surprised by the results. The correct character comparison of 22 to three suggests the primates were more than seven times more confident on Windows-based machines."

Klaas told silicon.com that 124 keyboards were replaced during the 90-day experiment after they were damaged in various ways – from being beaten against the ground to being covered in faeces.

The primates' dislike of the Mac keyboard appeared even to manifest itself here too, with the destroyed keyboard count numbering 93 to 31 in favour of those attached to the Windows machines.

"Whatever people say about infinite outcomes and infinite possibilities this research makes me think monkeys would never write the entire works of Shakespeare using a Mac."

"But," added Klaas, "they'd sure break a lot of keyboards trying."

...OK, OK, you've got us, that was one of our April Fool stories from the website this morning and given many of you will be reading the Round-Up after noon we'd be foolish to continue the charade.

But while many of you did spot it there were those who brightened up our morning by falling for this monkey business. Bless you all.

And nothing solicits reader comments more than a story which questions the superiority of Macs.

A great many readers wrote in to point out that monkeys preferring Windows is not much a compliment for Gates and Co ("Conclusive proof that Windows users are no smarter than monkeys") while others pointed out that it was likely due to the fact Windows is easier to use, in their opinion.

Our favourite piece of feedback, from somebody we suspect spotted the prank, read: "My cat sat on the Mac and accidentally turned out the first two pages of Finnegans Wake."

Some readers questioned the validity of research, with one pointing out that monkeys are likely to succumb to a "copy effect" – simply using the Windows PCs more because it was what the monkey in front was doing and thus perpetuating the simian popularity of the Windows OS.

Another pointed out: "There aren't an infinite number of monkeys or computers and they and us would probably be extinct before it happened."

Good point.

"Plus with the volume of crap data produced you probably couldn't supply enough storage to hold it and the search to find the text would probably take decades."

Another excellent point. What were we thinking?

"So why oh why do they bother doing the research?"

They didn't. We made it up.

One reader joined the ranks of those who believe silicon.com heads up an anti-Apple conspiracy (must be all those 'iPods are great' stories we write and the perennial appearance of Steve Jobs, joined by Jonathan Ives this year, in our Agenda Setters list).

He accused us of blatant "spin". Another suggested it was evidence of the author's own anti-Mac bias.

But as has become something of a tradition in recent times there was of course a second April Fool story this morning. The old sucker-punch for those who saw through our typing monkeys and assumed the rest of the horizon was spoof-free.

We reported on plans to put small tracking chips in food so water boards could monitor the throughput of sewers.

Or "the most disgusting 'big brother' concept I have ever heard to-date" as one reader put it.

Another suggested: "It's time we made a stand. I think we should all stop buying food, until we can be assured that there won't be chips with everything."

We're right behind you ...once we've finished our lunch.

But April Fool stories can backfire. In Croatia there was reportedly rioting on the streets after one online news service claimed the country was going to be kicked out of the 2006 football World Cup if they didn't hand over war criminal Ante Gotovina to the UN.

(Presumably they did this because war crimes are the funny kind of subject matter that should be included at the heart of any good jape.)

According to Ananova, the website was forced to break the noon deadline and admit it made the whole thing up.

(Tip: If you are going to run an April Fool story don't go for football or politics – or both. It will end in tears.)

Until next week, take our one-click poll about how many gadgets and gizmos you carry about your person and then read some news.