The Weekly Round-Up: 23.09.05

The Round-Up's heart is bleeding this week for the poor old fans of English football club Manchester United, some of whom have reportedly turned to a life of cyber-crime after growing increasingly frustrated at their lot.

As if it wasn't bad enough that they've lost their stranglehold on English football to Chelsea and seen the last major European trophy they won take up permanent residence just up the road at the home of arch-rivals Liverpool, the poor old United faithful have also seen their beloved club sold to a US sports tycoon.

And that appears to have been the final straw for one group of fans, unaware of the concept of karma, who took it upon themselves to launch a denial of service attack against law firm Allen & Overy who represent Malcolm Glazer, owner of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and now proud owner of the 'Go-Manchester Rowdies' or whatever they might hopefully one day be called.

(As for the bosses of this law firm, we've heard Allen was alright but we've been told Overy was a really good egg.)

According to Mark Andrews, one of the company's techies, the fans, fearing imminent entry into The World Series of Bud Light Soccerball and a relocation of the franchise to Delaware, sought revenge on all involved in the deal and began bombarding the law firm's servers with high volumes of email traffic in an attempt to cripple them.

Presumably the logic here was that Allen & Overy would turn their backs on an absolute goldmine of a legal contract in the face of mild irritation.

Apparently the attack slowed things down to a Roy Keane-esque hobble for a while but at no point did they go down like Ruud Van Nistelrooy under a nothing-tackle in the penalty box.

This was largely due to the fact the attacks were "pretty crude" according to Andrews who simply filtered off the unwanted email at the perimeter.

"It was an annoyance," said Andrews, who sounds as though he didn't let it ruin his week.

This failed gesture of defiance ranked alongside those Manchester United fans who very publicly tore up their season tickets - after the last home game of season.

However, there is a precedent here for such tactics working. According to reports, Deutsche Bank did pull out of dealings with Glazer in late 2004 after being bombarded with abusive faxes and emails.

But at the end of the day the Round-Up can't help thinking that on one side of this debate we have a load of Manchester United fans who admittedly have been spamming with malicious intent, while on the other there are some lawyers and a gnomish, frankly quite weird and eminently dislikeable US sports magnate.

It's a toss up really.

The Round-Up says lock them all in a room and let them get on with it.

Also, arguably getting what's been coming to them for quite some is ringtone giant Jamster! which this week found itself on the receiving end of a ruling by the Advertising Standards Authority which says the company cannot run certain TV commercials on UK television before the nine o'clock watershed.

Now the Round-Up can't take all the credit for this... but it's going to try.

You may remember some time back we asked you dear readers to email the ASA and complain about the advertising of the Crazy Frog ringtone.

We asked you to email the following paragraph: "Please, please, please make the 'Crazy Frog' adverts go away and end the nightmare for me and thousands of others. I would more merrily listen to my own teeth being drilled with a rusty screw tip than endure one more repeat of that advert."

And hundreds of you did, leading to a story on Sky News about the volume of complaints received at the ASA.

At first the ASA adopted a stance of 'It's not our problem' because the content of the ads, while irritating, did not breach any rules of decency it argued.

However, the seeds had clearly been sown and the Round-Up would like to think our warning shot was the inspiration for seeking out grounds on which action could be taken.

Now, after months and months of thinking the matter over the ASA has realised that an advert featuring a cartoon frog riding a motorbike or a cutesy dragon shown during children's television programmes might actually be targeting children - and that is a big no-no in the ASA's book.

And Jamster!'s not happy about it, even though the ruling doesn't cover all of its advertising.

A statement from Jamster! began: "Jamster! appreciates the vital role that the ASA plays for consumers and the industry... "

Now, for starters, the Round-Up suspects that is a big fat lie under the circumstances and wouldn't be surprised to hear there is a big "but" to kick off the second half of that statement...

"... but we believe the ASA's decision in this matter involving specific past Jamster! television advertisements, is flawed."

The company added: "In particular, the ASA fails to adequately consider the protective measures that Jamster! has exercised as part of its advertising."

Among the measures in place Jamster! cites the choice of "media and content, including the Crazy Frog character, that is targeted at the 16-34 age consumer group".

Excuse the Round-Up a sharp intake of breath and a note of incredulity here but that read very much like Jamster! is suggesting the Crazy Frog was chosen because it appeals to adults and not children.

Which adults would these be? Surely anybody over the age of consent who finds a cartoon frog on a little motorbike, chanting 'ding-ding-de-de-de-de-ding ding' is either locked up for their own safety or at the very least standing beside a busy road somewhere barking incoherently about cheese at the passing cars.

Of course, if Jamster! is so convinced that its advertising is not designed to appeal to children then it shouldn't really mind this ruling.

In fact, if its adverts are really not intended to appeal to kids under 16 then Jamster! should probably sack all those media buyers who bought slots during kids shows and youth programming on weekend morning TV.

So no real loss then.

On the subject of reader assistance not one of you has spotted one of the Adobe branded taxis about London and notified us of it, as requested the other week, meaning one silicon.com staffer had to go out and win the bottle of bubbly for doing so himself.

Spotted in Clapham Junction at about 10:50 on Wednesday night was the taxi of one Michael Ashbrook. Coming to the silicon.com office any time soon: one bottle of bubbly courtesy of Adobe. How nice.

But back to the subject of ringtones, The Telegraph online claims to have blown the top off the criminal side of ringtone sales with an exposé of what happens when you sign up with some of the unscrupulous services which no doubt exist out there.

Or that's the sell at least but all they really manage to expose is that bad things happen to stupid people. Which isn't really news.

In the somewhat vernacular words of Telegraph journalist Rachel Johnson: "We were in Liverpool, having just watched the Reds smash Crystal Palace at Anfield. Leaving the ground, we passed a small sign, pinned to a lamppost. It invited us to download a free ringtone.

"The word 'FREE' was in big black letters on the sign."

Well there you go, that all sounds entirely legitimate. After all, what shady businessman would ever be able to stretch to the kind of marketing budget that requires both a piece of paper and a means of fixing it to a lamp post?

"....hmmm... a sign stuck on a lamp post offering something for free. I can't imagine how there could possibly be a problem with snapping up an offer like that," she may well have thought.

Now, the Round-Up is no stranger to the wonderful city of Liverpool, or even the slightly less wonderful area surrounding Anfield, and can only assume that Johnson also believes those kids in shell suits really do mind your car for you throughout the entire match. After all, that's the service they were offering, so it must be true.

Well wind the clock forward a little and lo! and - indeed - behold it turns out that all was not as it seems and there was a dark underbelly to this apparently benevolent offer which Johnson and her son had both taken up.

First, Johnson never actually received the ringtone - shock horror - though what she probably did hear was the haunting sound of the penny dropping as it dawned on her that all may not have been as it first seemed.

"After that I received 74 unsolicited text messages," writes Johnson. "They came in threes, mainly. I would delete them, tutting. I had no idea that they were costing me £1.28 each. I had no idea I could stop them by texting 'STOP ALL' back to the five-digit number.

"In the end, a free ringtone that I never received cost me £111, in a shady, shabby involuntary transaction that the industry calls 'reverse-billing'."

... and everybody else calls evidence that a fool and their money are easily parted.

Obviously it is despicable that such practices go on but there are also some common sense rules here which a presumably educated woman - a journalist on a national newspaper, no less - should have observed.

Just because something says it's FREE - whether that's written in "big black letters" or flashing neon ones - there's a good chance it won't be, and regard your mobile phone number with a bit more respect towards your own privacy.

And if you think it might be an unscrupulous business advertising these offers trust your instincts and don't give them your number.

How do you spot an unscrupulous business? Well it's by no means a comprehensive list but the Round-Up would suggest you watch out for the kind of firms who would go around fly-posting outside football grounds in run down parts of major cities.

And sticking with mobile phones, the Round-Up this week heard news that Shazam - the company which claims connected customers can hold their handsets up towards a speaker and receive a text message back identifying the music - has sold some of its IP to American performing rights organisation BMI.

And good luck to them. By 'them', of course, the Round-Up means the BMI because frankly the Round-Up has had very little joy with the service over the years when trying to ease those nagging 'who sung this' queries in the pubs and bars, and other real life scenarios.

And yet some people swear by it. Just the other week, one member of the silicon.com team had a conversation which typifies people's mixed feelings about Shazam. He was at some event or other with a venture capitalist, and put forward the opinion that Shazam's 'not the best', shall we say.

The VC was aghast.

"How can you say that?" he asked, as though his very way of life was under threat. "I went through a whole row of CDs at home and it identified each track when I held my phone to a speaker."

A whole row of CDs! Putting aside the facts that 1) that must have cost a pretty penny and 2) didn't stop to think, 'OK, it works, I can leave it be now', does that really sound like a real-world scenario? Surely if he was working his way through the CDs it would have been quicker just to read the back of the CD and that will typically tell you what you're listening to.

Try IDing that catchy tune you keep hearing on a 30-second TV commercial or what the DJ was playing in that trendy but loud bar last night. CD collection indeed.

Let the Round-Up know if you've had better luck - no VCs writing in now.

And finally, it's a question we've all asked ourselves before. What do you buy the person who has everything... ...except taste?

Well, one US fashion label appears to have the answer for the classic 'more money than sense' merchant, with a £20,000 case in which players can put their Sony PSP, worth around one per cent as much.

The jewel-encrusted gold case will be going on display at Harrods for a week, starting today, but if you don't fancy trekking to west London to see it, we have pics for you right here and would urge you to have a look - it is truly awful.

Until next week, don't have nightmares and if you're still looking for something to add a little colour to your Friday afternoon don't forget to check out the Round-Up's section of the silicon.com site which has been updated for your pleasure this very morning.

Or you could even read some news: