The Weekly Round-Up: 05.05.06

Britain's National Health Service faces a number of well documented problems on a daily basis - from MRSA super-bugs to staff shortages.

But computers breaking down because doctors and nurses have been downloading too much music?

Well that's a new one.

However, the Sun newspaper this week claimed a vital computer system at a Kent hospital was out of action for two days after choking on the volume of music and games, photos and videos downloaded onto it by staff. The computers were apparently meant to be used to store medical records and digital X-rays but staff had crammed them with files for what the Sun referred to as "their trendy iPod music players".

Leaving us to wonder - is the Round-Up's Gran writing for the Sun these days? It's a wonder they didn't throw in a 'new-fangled' before 'trendy' as they positively spat out the name of a gadget which clearly had the audacity to be invented after the Spitfire.

The downtime forced the hospital to adopt a go-slow, according to Wapping's finest, with medical records having to be written out by hand and X-rays reverting to old fashioned film.

However, a spokesman for the hospital told silicon.com the Sun story was "absolute rubbish" adding that all notes are always written out by hand anyway and that no X-rays were affected by the problem.

In fact the computer broke down "because it was old", according to the spokesman, though he admitted that when staff came to restore data from back-up tapes they did find a lot of media files which shouldn't have been there, contributing to the restore process running over time.

Like the floors, walls and bed pans, the files have now all been wiped. Though hopefully the server didn't contain the chief exec's Fleetwood Mac collection or heads will roll.

In fact the Round-Up, in time-honoured tradition, was prone to wondering what they might have been listening to... perhaps some Doctor and the Medics - too obvious? What about some Spinal Tap for the chiropractors or maybe Fever by Peggy Lee? Or perhaps a witty surgeon may be tempted to sing 'Oops you did it again... ' over Britney's song of (nearly) the same name while performing a vasectomy.

We're sure you can do better. Let us know.

Of course, joking aside there is a very serious issue here. Such an inappropriate use of resources is shocking anywhere and more so when it is publicly funded and critical to an already overstretched service such as the NHS. It doesn't exactly paint a picture of staff pulling together to maximise resources.

"This is crazy," one doctor told silicon.com. "They'll be telling us we can't steal drugs to sell on the black market next."

OK, we made up that last quote but a spokeswoman really did tell the Sun: "Staff have been told that from now on any music or other inappropriate files will be wiped."

That really told them. You wouldn't want to meet that spokeswoman down a dark alley at night while carrying a critical server jammed full of MP3s.

Perhaps these doctors and nurses, or whoever it was, should invest in their own laptops. And that could soon be easier for everyone at the NHS, Europe's largest employer... if (and it's an 'if' of mountainous proportions) England win the World Cup this summer.

Because, just as it became pretty clear that England would be starting the tournament without star player and potential match winner Wayne Rooney, it offered a 66 per cent discount to all customers on a range of laptops in the event the England team triumphs in Germany.

That's brave.

We can only guess whether the same offer would have still been forthcoming if Rooney wasn't on crutches. We’re sure it didn't cross their minds.

(As a complete aside, media reports on Wednesday claimed Rooney was "philosophical" about his injury, which made the Round-Up chuckle. Socrates, Nietzsche, Kierkegaard, Rooney... it doesn't sound quite right but then what does the Round-Up know, he has just signed a book deal. Perhaps he has hidden depths.)

The 66 per cent discount Toshiba is offering is obviously based on the glorious date 40 years ago when England last lifted the famous trophy (though it was actually a different famous trophy in those days of course).

"Although England fans probably don't need any encouragement to cheer on England this summer, this promotion will offer an added incentive," said Andy Bass from Toshiba UK.

Indeed. If it's 4-3 to England on penalties when David Beckham steps up to take the crucial fifth spot kick in the final, the Round-Up for one will almost certainly be shouting: "Come on David, this one's for the discount on the laptop."

Surely the only people benefiting from this will be those who can't stand football, or those who care little for England, as everybody else will still be splashing about in the fountains of Trafalgar Square, wearing St George's Cross hats and flags and singing songs, arm-in-arm as the problems of modern life are resolved in the space of one beautiful weekend. (Could happen.)

Certainly Toshiba doesn't stand to benefit, other than through some pre-tournament publicity - as the offer also stretches to channel partners and distributors and importantly has no upper limit on the number of laptops which can be bought, spelling a serious liability for the company. A distributor could therefore buy thousands of laptops at the discounted price if England win.

It's certainly a major gamble in that regard, though the Round-Up has a nasty, nagging feeling that things should work out OK for Toshiba.

A press release claims the offer demonstrates "Toshiba's confidence in the England squad".

That's one way of putting it. Another would be that now, given Rooney's injury, Toshiba is pretty confident England definitely will not win the World Cup.

Of course Toshiba sponsors the World Cup, not the England team. The Round-Up wonders whether readers know of a similar offer in other parts of the world. Two per cent off in Brazil? A whopping 98 per cent off in France, perhaps?

Emails to the usual address.

Moving on, they say revenge is a dish best served cold but the Round-Up can't be the only one who thinks a slightly tepid dinner is poor retribution for some of the wrongs of the world.

After all, Hamlet (OK, it wasn't a real story, so humour us) would have been a far less dramatic affair if the Prince of Denmark had, instead of initiating a tragic string of events which claimed the lives of his loved ones and ultimately himself, given his step-dad a bowl of tepid casserole.

(And what about gazpacho or any other cold soup such as an Ajo Blanco con Uvas? Are we to assume the chef is righting some terrible wrong that we've committed? By ordering it in the first place it could certainly be argued we were 'asking for it' after all.)

No, not for one woman the serving of not-hot foodstuffs. She exacted a far more high-tech campaign of revenge against a one-time lover which included signing him up for websites that exposed him to the pornographic writings of prison inmates.

According to newspaper reports the woman - branded a 'cyber stalker' by the media (or "cyber bunny-boiler" by our friends on The Register) - waged a campaign of revenge against the man with whom she had enjoyed a one-night stand after an office party. She had reportedly become incensed at his insistence the relationship would go no further.

Anita Debnath already had a restraining order against her, relating to past actions against her victim and his partner, when she appeared in court again this week accused of applying for nearly half a million pounds of loans online in her victim's name - charges she denies.

During the previous trial, which resulted in the restraining order and a community rehabilitation order, Debnath admitted paying computer hackers around £100 a pop to access her victim's computer and send malicious emails in his name, according to the Times.

It makes the Round-Up question, how does one go about hiring computer hackers? Are they in the Yellow Pages? Do you simply dial 1-800-HACKER?

Do they charge a call out fee? Is it possible to get one to come on weekends or does it require taking a morning off work to let them in? (Though the Round-Up guesses they might enjoy letting themselves in.) And trickiest of all, when do you offer them a cup of tea - before they've started the work, once they've finished or while they work?

However, the moment of twisted inspiration which stands out from her past rap-sheet is her signing him up with a contact site for gay American prison inmates.

The listing on the site resulted in him receiving a "pornographic letter" (to use the Times' description) from a prisoner in the US... which, while more interesting than bills and junk mail, isn't really what you might hope to find on the mat in the morning.

The poor chap involved in all of this, Chay Ankers, told the Daily Mirror: "Everyone's had a one-night stand and realised afterwards they have made a mistake. But you don't expect it to lead to this."

That would be an early contender for understatement of the year, thinks the Round-Up.

'So apart from the hackers, the malicious emails and the obscene emails from gay prisoners, how do you think she took it Chay?'

And finally, seeing as it's Friday the Round-Up thought it might change the otherwise serious tone of this latest newsletter with a little game. Can you spot the odd one out in this list of places?

Los Angeles… San Diego… San Francisco... Guildford.

That's right, it's the posh Surrey town of Guildford. Why? 'Because none of the others have a 1930s lido perhaps? Or because, perchance, none of the others boasts a collection of Mortlake tapestries to rival those at Clandon Park?' the Round-Up hears you instinctively enquire.

No, it's actually because the others are all in California and Guildford, well, it isn't. It's in Surrey.

However, the historic town is currently making a bid, apparently, to stand out less like the ginger step-child in such company. In fact... and the Round-Up must compose itself before repeating this line, Guildford is being referred to by some as 'Britain's California'.

Seriously. They couldn't have taken aim at a slightly less grandiose claim?

Apparently there is something of a Silicon Valley-style phenomenon happening in and around Guildford, encompassing an area which takes in Ascot, Bracknell, Camberley and Woking.

Essentially it's a succinct - if slightly implausible - way of referring to the amorphous southeastern sprawl out of the M4 corridor, the UK's traditional tech heartland.

Obviously there are so many ways and reasons to knock the choice of 'Britain's California' (though, remember 'Silicon Beach' - when Cornwall decided it wanted to become the UK's new high-tech heartland?).

However, perhaps the most obvious assault on the logic behind that statement is that Britain already has a California - quite literally. In fact it has several: in Cambridgeshire, Norfolk, Suffolk and even in Birmingham (which seems a particularly ironic blow to the morale of those visiting for the first time based on little more than the name).

Or perhaps the Round-Up has missed the point. Perhaps it's just because of Guildford's lovely climate, fine wines, stunning scenery and great skiing.

Until next week, the Round-Up is off home to Britain's Delaware.

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