The Weekly Round-Up: 04.08.06

First off in a bumper Round-Up, Apple has hit back at detractors who question the build quality of its iPods by apparently publicly stating that the devices "are designed to last four years".

Which leaves the Round-Up, who has buried two iPods in half that time, asking: "Four years? Are they sure?"

And no they're not, it transpires.

In fact it seems there's been a bit of a 'Let him have it'-style misunderstanding here.

An article reporting that claim first appeared in the Chicago Tribune and it seems some wires have been crossed (figuratively speaking, rather than by way of an explanation as to why the iPods might conk out).

Earlier this week Apple spokeswoman Natalie Kerris, who was quoted in the article, issued a statement which claimed she was misquoted by the Trib.

What Kerris really said, she added, was that iPods are "designed to last for years", not "four years" (putting the Round-Up in mind of a Two Ronnies skit: "No, I want fork handles - handles for forks - not four candles." Oh, how we laughed.)

Now this sounds a bit more like it. Because "for years" could of course be two - or three, if you use them sparingly.

The Round-Up knew four years sounded a stretch, so thank you Apple for clearing that up.

Going off completely on a tangent the issue of quickie divorces was in the headlines this week, with one newspaper claiming former England striker Gary Lineker was granted a 20-second divorce, while another paper suggested it was actually a 70-second divorce.

All of which confusion of course leaves the poor old Chicago Tribune wondering "Which is it - has this soccer player been married 22 times or 72 times...?"

And sticking, loosely on the issue of people you just don't like as much as you did on day one of the relationship, Tony Blair was in the US this week buddying up to some of the biggest names in technology.

Blair met with tech chiefs in California to find out just what the UK could be doing to emulate the success of Silicon Valley's high-tech industry.

Well, the first step, might the Round-Up be so bold as to suggest, would be to get a Prime Minister who has the first idea about technology and the value it delivers to business.

But it's unlikely any of Blair's lunch companions, including Apple CEO Steve Jobs, Cisco CEO John Chambers and Sun CEO Jonathan Schwartz, would have been so blunt, honest or insightful as to say that.

What they did tell him was he needs to foster stronger links between universities and industry if he wants to emulate the success of Silicon Valley.

He was also told he needs to make the UK less risk averse, with the tech chiefs adding another reason for Silicon Valley's great success is that risk taking is applauded and failure is not seen as a black mark against your name.

Which must be good news for a Prime Minister whose reputation has gone down the toilet faster than a vindaloo with a rocket-pack.

Blair told the high-tech leaders: "We're trying, in our way in Britain, to make sure the UK is a dynamic, innovative country."

Brilliant! Could he not have found something less homespun, or closer to "dynamic", to say than "We're trying, in our own way in Britain…"?

Why not make it "in our own modest unassuming little way" and be done with it?

Or maybe the Round-Up is being unfair. Maybe Blair has realised his Luddite attitude towards technology in the past has been one of his many mistakes and he's now genuinely trying to find a way to get the UK technology industry buzzing.

In which case, why didn't he send somebody who has committed a little more of their long-term future to politics and who might actually be around to see through any initiatives which arise from this lunchtime pow-wow, given Blair seems all but certain to step down before the next general election?

Perhaps the answer lies in Blair's own ambitions, rather than any desire he has to see the UK thrive.

An article in the Independent on Sunday, published prior to Blair's sit-down with the likes of Jobs and Chambers, suggested many of his best opportunities, after he is finally waved out of Number 10, lie across the pond where his reputation is far less muddied than it is in the UK.

As such the insightful Indie suggested Blair may any day launch a smarm offensive to recruit some 'friends in high places'... such as John Chambers at Cisco, for example.

So while Blair may not really know who these men are, or certainly what their companies do, he clearly knows they carry a lot of power and sway in the US and can open a lot of doors for him.

Many of you will have seen Blair also met the 'Governator' Arnold Schwarzenegger to talk about the environment while he was in California.

In between discussing the merits of the Kyoto agreement, low emission fuels, a series of initiatives for greener cities and who would win a fight out of the Terminator and Predator, Arnie took a few minutes to give Blair a gift of an iPod, engraved with the words: 'Presented to the Right Honorable Tony Blair, Prime Minister of the United Kingdom, by Arnold Schwarzenegger, Governor of California.'

How nice of Arnie's people to spell 'Honourable' wrong for their visiting UK dignitary. Perhaps they're aware of Blair's record on keeping election promises.

During one moment of staged levity Arnie suggested that perhaps Blair's next job might be to reprise one of his old roles and play the Terminator in the coming sequel.

"It's the best offer I have," Blair told the politely braying press pack. "In fact, it's the only offer I have," he added, suggesting the search for other offers in the US is far from the furthest thing on his mind.

In fact it couldn't have been more obvious if Blair had signed off with Arnie's trademark "I'll be back."

Meanwhile, as Blair was gadding about California picking up iPods and free lunches, closer to home, in fact just a few miles from his own constituency offices in the North East, news was breaking that around 1,000 staff at an Orange call centre were facing the threat of redundancy, while the company announced 300 new jobs in Indian call centres.

The mobile phone operator is closing a centre in Peterlee where 900 staff currently work. But they're not being made redundant, oh no... or not yet anyway. They are first being offered the opportunity to commute to one of two other call centres in Darlington (30 miles away) or North Tyneside (25 miles away). Orange says it is hopeful many of them will choose the extra commute.

However, it's unlikely many of the 100 staff similarly affected but based in Solihull in the West Midlands will opt for relocation.

So it's a case of good news and bad news, it would seem, in the North East constituencies.

The bad news is many workers may be forced to take redundancy as another industry slims down in the region. The good news is that Tony got a new iPod AND got to meet the Terminator - how cool is that!

Blair is now back in the UK and hopefully he had a very pleasant flight. But the in-cabin ambience, which can be fairly taxing at the best of times, looks set for decline soon with the launch of in-flight mobile phone calls.

We've covered the subject pretty comprehensively this week - including an interview with a real-life pilot who was full of sympathy for his passengers.

"Imagine all those ringtones and people shouting down the phone - imagine trying to get some sleep," he told silicon.com.

It's an excellent point and one which raises concerns about air rage.

"Mobile phone usage on an aircraft is extremely dangerous... especially if you sit next to me," raged one silicon.com reader, as he slammed his fists into his keyboard.

"The first person who shouts 'HELLO?!! WHAT? YEAH, I'M ON THE PLANE!!!' in my vicinity will also become the first person to receive a surgically implanted mobile telecommunications device up their hands-free socket. God help them if it's a BlackBerry."

"I encourage all right-thinking people to resort to similar acts of mindless violence until this madness is stamped out," he added, while also redefining the phrase 'right-minded' in the process. We think he may have been joking but he's also got a point.

You can have your say on this issue by taking our latest one-click poll.

And finally, as many of you will know, yesterday marked a very important anniversary.

Now, the Round-Up knows what you're thinking and you're right - the 2,000th anniversary of Tiberius defeating the Dalmatians isn't for a couple of years yet but that isn't the anniversary the Round-Up is thinking off.

In fact it was 80 years since the first traffic lights were installed on the streets of Britain - you may even have been at one of many street parties marking the occasion yesterday. The Round-Up certainly partied late into the night, recounting tales with fellow revellers of favourite traffic lights and those with their own memorable idiosyncrasies.

OK, there were no parties really, there was no fanfare and in fact nobody really seemed to care but that didn't stop BT putting out a press release based around the fact it operates 40,000 traffic lights "in London alone".

"If we look at the role traffic lights have to play in our everyday lives it's an important one..." said the press release, as the Round-Up yawned so hard it thought it may dislocate its jaw.

"You can imagine the chaos on our roads if they weren't there."

Indeed, chaos.

"And it wouldn't only be chaos for car users, think about buses too..." it continued leading the Round-Up to assume the writer was being paid by the word at this stage. Surely if we could possibly conceive of chaos on the roads being bad news for cars it would be within the realms of our ability to understand this may have some kind of knock-on effect for buses too.

Probably lorries, trucks, motorbikes, scooters and milk floats as well...

"...and how could pedestrians cross busy roads safely without traffic lights?" it continued.

Good point, putting aside for a minute the twin inventions of 'the bridge' and the 'underpass'.

Of course traffic lights are important, we'd never argue otherwise, but did BT really think anybody cared about them being 80 years old?

Everybody knows 100 is the big one - then we'll really break out the bunting.

Possibly sensing its announcement was about as interesting as rewinding a tape cassette with a pencil, BT then decided to dart off in an entirely unpredictable direction with a bit of future gazing, predicting what travel will look like over the next 45 years.

By 2012 we will have cars with "automatic steering".

The same year will see car speed controlled automatically as well, taking much of the strain out of that whole 'driving thing' for the driver.

And as the ever-so-slightly-less-funny-than-this-press-release Frank Carson used to say... 'There's more...'

By 2020 vehicles will be fully automated and we'll all trundle along in our self-steering fully automatic cars for 31 years until... wait for it, time travel will be invented as well as faster-than-light travel.

Really? OK, whatever you say. The Round-Up can't help thinking somebody's been slipping something into the tea at BT.

On the time travel front... and this is the moment where the Round-Up's brain will start hurting, if it is only going to be another 45 years before this becomes a reality, then isn't it likely some of us would have encountered either somebody else or ourselves by now travelling from the future?

Think about it... that should keep you busy until at least Monday.

In the meantime, why not read some news...

• French DRM-busting plan becomes law

• Mobile music: All grown up now

• IT work permit system 'being abused'

• Are you on call 24/7?

• $100 laptop mega-order 'a myth'