The Weekly Round-Up: 16.02.07

As the wilting roses or half-polished-off box of chocolates on your desk may well attest, this week the merrily gullible were once again celebrating the Hallmark-sponsored persecution of the single that is Valentine's Day.

And what a romantic bunch we all are. According to research released this week it seems many people in the UK have a real problem when it comes to 'keeping it buttoned up', even when in the office.

In fact the stats reveal 59 per cent of employees have had "romantic encounters in the workplace".

We're not sure whether that means all 59 per cent have been at it like rabbits in the stationery cupboard or whether this covers a multitude of sauciness from a stolen kiss with a long-time partner in the lift to a leg-over on the fire-escape with somebody you 'think works in Accounts... or was it Facilities?'.

And apparently half of those employees carrying on with these sordid intra-office affairs have no idea whether it could cost them their job.

Perhaps they should ask their boss, possibly over breakfast - because apparently one in six people responding to this survey have been having it away with their manager.

Meanwhile, almost a third of respondents are consorting with a fellow team member and 18 per cent are doing nocturnal networking with their clients.

When do these people find time for work?

Gillian Dowling from HR experts Croner said: "With almost two-thirds of office workers romantically linked with co-workers or employers, companies should consider whether they need to have a policy on workers who have close family ties or a personal relationship with other members of staff."

You think?

"However, employers who refuse a job applicant, or discipline or transfer an existing employee who has started a relationship with a colleague, would, of course, have to back up their decision with genuine evidence of the risks involved, to avoid sex-discrimination claims."

In this context does it mean discriminating against 'gender' or 'sex' (in the 'put your trousers back on, that was great' sense of the word)?

Apparently the sample comprised office workers aged 19 to 35. Imagine what the results would have looked like if they'd polled the Houses of Parliament.

Also, getting into the spirit of Valentine's Day, one member of the silicon.com team received a saucy gift this week in the post, delivered to his desk. Sadly it was from security vendor Tumbleweed. (Possibly so-named after the effect its humorous publicity stunts have.)

The parcel contained a rather skimpy pair of polyester Superman briefs, sent in the post, apparently intended to cause much embarrassment upon opening and thus show how important it is that vital documents in the digital world are properly encrypted. It requires a bit of a leap in assuming sensitive information travelling through cyberspace is analogous to a pair of skimp briefs arriving in the post... but we think we see what they've done there.

However, they clearly don't know the journalist in question - he's not taken them off since and is wearing them with pride.

The Round-Up just wishes he'd put some trousers back on over them at least.

Christopher Reeve might well be turning in his grave.

Also looking for some loving in this most-romantic of weeks may be one eBayer who appears to have been hoist by his own petard somewhat thanks to the auction site's ability to show users what their peers have previously bought and sold.

The man in question was selling a bright red Ferrari Testarossa - a zippy sports car by anybody's standards - but regarded as the ultimate substitute for fully functioning and effective male genitalia by many.

And unfortunately for the hapless eBayer in question these 'substitute' suspicions weren't helped by the fact eBay revealed the previous item he had bought via the auction site was a 'penis pump', used [cough] apparently [cough] to grow said body part.

The model in question - the boldly entitled 'Titan Enlarger', which looks to the Round-Up for all the world like a bell jar attached to a foot-pump - sold to the Ferrari owner for $89.99.

From the picture, the Round-Up suspects that at least it may have been new and not second-hand, which is some consolation for the man who had his buying history thrust into the spotlight.

The Round-Up pictures a man at the end of his tether, head in hands, saying: "Well the Titan Enlarger hasn't worked... what shall I buy next?... oh of course - a Ferrari!"

Apparently, in the shipping notes there may have been 'handling charges' levied by the seller. We dread to think what they're referring to.

The Round-Up must thank its friends on tennis website The Register for spotting that embarrassing little story.

Moving on, to innuendo so cheap it would be cut from a Carry On... film, the Prime Minister Tony Blair has reportedly been having a problem 'keeping it up' this week.

His website, that is. (That really wasn't worth it. Ed.).

The Number 10 website came crashing down to earth under a weight of angry drivers logging on to register their displeasure at proposed road charging plans.

At the last count, more than 1.3 million drivers had logged on and signed the petition hosted on the PM's site which spluttered, stalled and subsequently conked out completely, suggesting it had been set up with no expectation of such popularity.

Perhaps the government assumed things were so rosy in Blighty that a website set up on which people could air grievances would be about as much use as a fridge in the Arctic.

Oh how wrong they were.

Because airing grievances people most certainly are, in their tens of thousands - and when the website went down they started posting on silicon.com just to get it all off their chests.

We've had hundreds of Reader Comments, ranging from the irate to the, well, irate.

But not everybody is opposed to road charging (though most people are, it must be noted).

Take silicon.com reader Harry The Hedgehog (probably not his real name).

Harry, it would seem, is all for making drivers pay that little bit more. The Round-Up says 'drivers'. Harry calls them is "selfish car-loving tw*ts".

And that's not an 'i' we've asterisked out there.

Harry points out these are: "Probably the same bunch of moaners who criticise fuel tax. Hey, while we're at it, let's remove air travel taxes too. In fact, let's go the whole hog, turn the heating up to full and organise a rip-down-the-forest-day."

We think he's being sarcastic. He probably doesn't really want to rip down a forest.

Another reader wrote, with an unfortunate choice of words: "These charges will cripple road users who are disabled."

Oh dear.

Other readers suggested this could dramatically ramp up the cost of the school run.

Oh, the humanity. The Round-Up used to walk 10 miles uphill to school and 10 miles uphill home again.

Somehow the Round-Up can't help thinking the most vocal opponents of the road charging plans really aren't helping the cause much.

However, there is an upside to these proposed charges which on past experience the Round-Up suspects will come into effect despite overwhelming public opposition. (Did somebody say 'the war in Iraq'?)

All these over-privileged kids who will be forced to walk to school, because it costs too much to drive the mile down the road in mummy's 4x4 suburban tractor, will at least have some extra free time on their hands to think about the positive effects of technology on society and the ways in which they can help forward development in the high-tech space.

Because the powers that be, so adept at giving with one hand and taking with the other, are looking to tap into undiscovered juvenile talent and find the most innovative uses of technology among primary school aged children.

The initiative is the brainchild of The Parliamentary Information Technology Committee - or, thankfully, Pitcom for short.

Cyber-bullying and looking at naughty pictures on the interweb have already been well-documented so this initiative will be encouraging children to raise the bar a little... perhaps running a 419 scam sweatshop in computer club, or selling pirated software in the playground.

"Swap you a shiny Arsenal badge and two David Beckham stickers for a Windows Vista Business Edition."

"Throw in a Curly Wurly and we might be talking."

The kids today!

On a less cynical note, the Round-Up thinks it is actually fairly encouraging that the suits in Westminster should acknowledge the next generation is 'where it's at' in terms of technology use and adoption, and in no way suspects this is the result of some stuffy parliamentarians saying: "Well I've no bally idea what this interweb thingy is, why don't we ask some kids?"

Before moving on to the 'and finally... ' section of the Round-Up can we take this opportunity to steer you in the direction of the ever-excellent podcast - which contains a wealth of goodies not covered in this newsletter.

It's worth listening to if only for the awful Sean Connery impression... we'll not tell you whose it is.

If you've some speakers or headphones and you want to listen right now, then just click here. It's as simple as that, and you'll be in audio heaven for 20 minutes, all free of charge - not a penny.

Or, if you're one of those hep cats with a new-fangled iPod thingy, you can subscribe to get it delivered to your iTunes library each week here. Or here for the generic XML code.

And as promised, and finally, ending on a very worthy note. You may well remember reports in past weeks about one member of the silicon.com team - managing editor Will Sturgeon - travelling to Africa to visit two charities putting computers into Kenyan schools. And while there he took part in the small matter of a 400km cycle through the Kenyan highlands to raise funds for Computer Aid International.

Well the good news is Will survived the hills, the altitude, the high temperatures and being stung by a hornet the size of a crow. And he not only survived but with two colleagues from CNET Networks UK (the owner of silicon.com) he raised more than £17,000 for Computer Aid, thanks in no small part to main sponsors Ricoh and CNET Networks, as well as TallyGenicom, RightNow Technologies and all of our friends at some 20 different UK PR agencies who also dug deep.

And if you want to find out what that money can do, you can read Will's report here - or check out the photo story here.

And if that inspires you to donate, you can do so here.

Finally, finally, it's caption competition time...

Try your luck with this week's picture.

And check out last week's lucky winner here.