The Weekly Round-Up: 15.02.08

In a deafening cacophony of ringtones that could be heard from outer space (and underwater), handset vendors, mobile operators, developers and journalists descended on Barcelona for a state of the nation address this week at the Mobile World Congress show.

Inevitably, the two new kids on the block, Apple and Google have dominated headlines.

The iPhone's much trumpeted entry into the mobile market has shaken things up and Apple has already grabbed the third biggest share of the smartphone market despite only being in it for less than a year. iPhone look-alikes and wannabes are all the rage at the show. As well as a few actual iPhones, the Round-Up presumes.

Vodafone CEO Arun Sarin says the iPhone has raised the bar by designing phones that people actually want to use, which is an interesting concept for the industry.

Sarin said the industry must learn to partner and compete (Kill Apple! Kill Apple!) with the new entrants because users now want to get proper entertainment on their mobile phones (and not just rubbish WAP-type content and ringtones) and actually access them in style (and not accidentally).

He added: "The easier the interface, the more you use it and the easier it is to get on the internet." It sounds so simple and obvious when you put it that way.

Meanwhile, Microsoft's entertainment and device division president, Robbie Bach, announced the business mobile is now dead and what people want is a device that combines work and play. Again, pretty revolutionary stuff, the Round-Up is sure you'll agree.

Bach added that the mobile is unlikely to replace the PC, but will rather be a general-purpose computing device. So the computer would then be acting as a kind of digital hub. Where does he get his ideas from?

"It'll add to the PC," gushed Bach. "It'll bring new things to life."

Nokia is still not taking the Redmond dollar, though. Although Bach insists "a lot of discussions are happening". Probably along the lines of:

"Please?"
"No."
"Oh go on."
"No."
"Pretty please?"
"We're hanging up now."

Meanwhile, Google's Android platform is also the talk of the town - or at least the talk of the mobile-obsessed people inside the conference centre. The talk of the rest of Barcelona was probably still largely dominated by football and breasts.

The ARM booth was showing off some prototype devices running the open-source development software. What Android is touting is the ability for third-party developers to create platform-neutral applications for devices. There are currently dozens of different platforms for handsets.

But look out Android - Danger is afoot. No, literally. Microsoft has beefed up its mobile platform strategy with the acquisition of mobile software company Danger.

The acquisition of Danger, which has a snazzy range of mobile software, underlines the Seattle company's commitment to the booming mobile market. And every other market out there, to be honest.

Of course, it would be silly to accuse Microsoft of hanging onto Google’s coat-tails again.

The fact that Danger was co-founded and run by the same person now heading up the Android project is entirely coincidental, oh yes...

In other news, the government has dipped its oar into the debate about controlling illegal downloads.

So can the British government succeed where the collective legal masses of the music industry have failed?

Let's face it, it hasn't got a chance, but it's going to do its best anyway through heavy-handed regulation and ineffectual policy making and why should we expect anything less?

The government had apparently given the entertainment industry plenty of time to consider a sensible approach to combating piracy that doesn't include suing anything with ears and an internet connection. So it's decided to think about regulation.

One suggestion from the music industry is to adopt the French model, where warning messages are sent to those who frequently download music or films illegally.

If the messages are ignored, users can have their accounts suspended or closed altogether and hunted down with terribly fierce dogs (or something).

The body representing ISPs says they would prefer a voluntary agreement, but the music industry argues it has been forced to demand legal action after rampant file-sharing rocked its traditional revenue model. Dogs it is then.

A report in The Times on Tuesday suggested ISPs could be legally required to take action against file-sharers, which is hardly going to be music to the ears of ISPs.

Engaging rant mode.

It's madness.

Just trying to track all the packets of data from torrent and P2P sites is bad enough, throw in the prospect of encrypted data and you've got a major logistical and technical headache.

Throw into the mix the big, possibly answerable, questions over ISPs' snooping rights and it's a full-on migraine.

The prospect of prosecuting customers and adopting the mantle of some kind of online law enforcement agency is not what your average ISP would welcome.

If these kinds of regulations come into effect then ISPs will be legally obliged to monitor, manage and process the data. This will cost a few bob.

So who is going to cover the additional costs for the ISP industry? Not the government. Or the entertainment industry. A rather more likely scenario is that the bill will be footed by the people that are being snooped on. Bah. The sheer outrage makes the Round-Up's blood boil.

Perhaps the entertainment industry should just accept the internet isn't going to go away anytime soon. While stealing copyrighted material is neither big nor clever and in fact wrong, it could come up with a more effective way of marketing its wares through the biggest emerging retail channel on the planet rather than just bitching about it.

Disengaging rant mode and settling down with some green tea and chanting...

And finally, Valentine's Day has come and gone and if love is an eternal verity then so is a Microsoft product slippage.

It's exceptionally rare that these two axioms collide but this week is a happy exception.

Microsoft has recently been marketing a Valentine Zune as the perfect gift for the greeting-card sponsored day of misery.

Microsoft would have us believe that the move was prompted by "consumer excitement". Quite frankly, the Round-Up finds this harder to swallow than it would a family of live otters.

But if you ordered one of these for your loved one for 14 February - and the Round-Up has to wonder just what the hell you were thinking of - you may have been sorely disappointed and the Round-Up's not referring to the device's usability and wireless battery life.

The Red Zune 80 - catchy - was touted as the perfect Valentine's gift for anyone who would rather not have chocolates, flowers or an iPod.

It features a choice of romantic, flowery engravings. Microsoft was also offering a range of romance-related playlists on its online store. The playlists featured such cheery names as Broken Love. Kind of 'The tracks of my tears' for the cold-hearted realists out there.

However, with the crushing inevitability more commonly associated with death and taxes, Microsoft had to contact some people who have ordered the Love Zune to admit that it may not be able to ship the device in time for yesterday's key date.

That's not likely to have gone down too well on Thursday morning:
"I did order you a special present, my darling..."
"Yeah right, you never change, do you?"
"...but I did. It's just that Microsoft couldn't deliver it on time. Blame them."
"Don't bring Steve Ballmer into this relationship."

To Microsoft's credit, it has reportedly apologised to disappointed customers. Presumably those would be the ones who didn't receive their Zune but the Round-Up can't be sure.

Furthermore, it's also refunding those suffering from unrequited love by giving them their money back. Bravo. So you get a Zune and your cash refunded.

There are two ways to look at this sad story. On the one hand you can commend the company for great customer service - just as long as you ignore the bit about failing to deliver an event-driven gift in time for the event itself.

The course of true love never did run smooth...

Before it signs off to count its Valentine cards again - still none - the Round-Up has just enough time to draw your attention to some of the other big news items of the week.

Yahoo! says 'No way, Jose' to Microsoft. Microsoft replies, describes the decision as 'unfortunate'. The Round-Up likes to imagine Ballmer was wearing an all-in-one grey Mao suit and stroking a fluffy white cat when he dictated that letter.

But the bad news for Jerry Yang and the other Yahoo! executives is that Rupert Murdoch is now sniffing in their general direction and considering getting his chequebook out.

Doomed. We're all doomed. The end is nigh. One group of people has just 12 years to save the planet - IT managers.

Sick of rubbish Facebook gifts like virtual pints of beer, virtual monkeys and virtual badger cleaning kits? Not to fear, the revolution starts here - real chocolate bars.

Want to know what the top five emerging mobile trends are? You're just a click away, sunshine.

Until next week, don't forget you can check out the Weekly Round-Up podcast here.

And pit your wits against fellow readers in the caption competition.