The Weekly Round-Up: 18.07.08

If you're anything like the Round-Up or indeed any other sane and well-adjusted person, then last Friday you got up at an ungodly hour and queued in the rain outside an O2 shop to buy a new phone.

But if you're anything like the Round-Up and indeed any other sane, well-adjusted and soggy person you probably came away disappointed. The iPhone, for indeed that was the apple of the Round-Up's eye, sold out fast. Remarkably fast.

You may recall tales of last year of truly, utterly sad people queuing for several nights to be the first to get their hands on the first-generation phone only to find that you could have strolled in a couple of days later and picked one up at your own leisure. This time it was not so.

The Round-Up got in line relatively early but was quite a way back. Then the rain began falling. After receiving an increasing number of disparaging and pitying glances from passers-by for queuing in the rain for what was for all intents and purposes 'just a phone', the Round-Up tried to cheer itself up by casting disparaging and pitying glances at the people towards the front of the line, as technically speaking, they were slightly more pathetic, albeit drier as they were under cover.

Then, five minutes before the store opened, a salesman poked his head out of the door looked at the queue and did some quick mental arithmetic. His brow furrowed, just a little.

Then came the news that the store had only nine iPhones in stock. After some quick mental arithmetic and logical deduction of its own, the Round-Up decided that the 20 or so people in front of it in line playing on their Apple laptops (not sure she quite fit in) were unlikely to be queuing to get their hands on the new Motorola. All hope vanished.

Doing it's own thing to keep morale high, the Round-Up quipped that maybe they should have got Steve Jobs along to perform a Feeding of the Multitude miracle and turn a handful of devices into thousands - or about 50 - for the assembled throng. From the expression on the face of the man in front maybe the Round-Up should have kept its quips to itself.

"When will the iPhone be back in stock?" asked the Round-Up of the O2 sales assistant wearing an iPhone T-shirt in front of the giant iPhone 'Get it Here' banner just an hour or so after it went on sale.

"We have no idea," said the helpful but harassed looking member of staff.

"How many are you getting in?" asked the Round-Up again.

"We have no idea. Whatsoever." The Round-Up likes to think the inclusion of 'whatsoever' was significant. This is also where the trouble started.

"But, but, I've already got my PAC code!" exploded one inexplicably distressed bearded man as he saw his life crumble around him. He waved a bit of paper with some porting authorisation code numbers on it at the man in the shop as if to provide evidence of this incontrovertible and tragic truth.

Leaving the distressed PAC man in the shop waving his numbers at random strangers, the Round-Up stomped home through the sodden streets with its sodding Nokia.

Apple sold a lot of 3G iPhones last weekend. Over a million in fact, something it took 74 days to do when it first launched last year. Of course, when it launched last June it was only available in the US, while last week it was on sale, albeit fleetingly, in 22 countries.

Some people still aren't happy - even some people who managed to get hold of an iPhone 3G. Don't believe the Round-Up? Take a look at this list outlining the top 10 missing product features of the device. Some omissions are a bit baffling, and in the case of number three, totally bewildering.

The Round-Up is not deterred. It will get hold of one eventually - either an iPhone or a life, you decide. Yet another call to the O2 store yielded the following update: the iPhone was expected back in stock on Wednesday, but they're now hoping it will arrive Friday. If not then, then probably next week.

"To be honest, mate," said the nice man at the end of the phone clearly bored of fielding these phone calls, "We have no idea. No idea, whatsoever..."

Privacy is a hot topic these days for the denizens of the interweb. And this week comes the news that Information Commissioner Richard Thomas has been granted yet more power by the government. In fact, the man now has so much cachet and power he may as well go to work each morning in the Batmobile.

The UK's privacy watchdog is in line to get new powers to raid organisations under government proposals to "sharpen its teeth".

The government launched its consultation on the Information Commissioner's Office (ICO) powers and funding following the Data Sharing Review, which recommended the ICO be given more money and authority to fine organisations for "reckless" data breaches.

Currently out for consultation are proposals giving the Information Commissioner permission to carry out compulsory inspections under warrant at premises suspected of being slightly naughty with data handling, the ability to fine organisations that have breached a "good practice assessment".

Following the publication of the Poynter Review into the HMRC debacle, the government said it is important the information commissioner is able to enforce the Data Protection Act in a rapidly changing and ever-so-careless environment.

Justice minister Michael Wills said in a statement: "We believe sharpening the Information Commissioner's teeth will enable him to be a stronger, more effective regulator."

A lean, mean ass-kicking machine is what he really wanted to say, a crusader against injustice and criminals...

No sooner had that been announced, that Richard was hurtling through the streets of London at Mach 3 to speak at the launch of the eponymous Information Commissioner Officer's Annual Report 2008.

The Round-Up imagines him arriving at the podium by smashing through the roof light and floating gently down on his batwings and then eschewing the mike to boom out to the assembled crowd that the rumoured database of UK phone and internet communications would be "a step too far for the British way of life".

A database of all calls, emails and internet traffic, to be stored by the Home Office for at least 12 months, is thought to be included under proposals for "modifying procedures for acquiring communications data" in the draft Communications Data Bill.

What was required, he said, was prudence. And quite right too. Particularly as the organisations calling for the database have a less than exemplary record of handling personal information - Thomas also reminded the thrilled throng that in the past 12 months his department had opened cans of whoopass on HMRC, the MoD and the Greater Manchester Police.

Thomas called for a full public debate into the justification for creating a vast database of personal data and communications.

He should have also reminded the public that if they ever needed him they should shine an enormous light with a huge 'RT' on it against the clouds above London.

Under no circumstances should we try to phone or email him - far too risky. You never know who's listening and recording every detail...

In other news this week:

Incredibly, Apple is gaining serious ground on Windows in the US - creeping up close to 10 per cent market share and that includes the enterprise market. No the Round-Up's not a complete and utter liar.

The youth of today are only interested in mobile internet and email. Pah! Kids today! In the Round-Up's day it was cheap cider and casual sex.

Kettle black, wails pot.

Until next week chance your arm, or rather the creative bits of your brain at the caption competition.