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The Weekly Round-Up: 30.01.04
Orange's 'hallucinogenic' exhibit, Clinton's hands-off policy, Gates canonised and the mullet and moustache bust-up

By silicon.com

Published: Friday 30 January 2004

Britain is a happy place. Official.

That's the verdict of Orange, which this week revealed the results of its Expressionist Photo Messaging poll.

Owners of picture phones (or friends of owners of picture phones) were invited to capture one of nine facial expressions - happy, surprised, angry, smug, bored, sad, scared, guilty and confused - and send them to Orange as part of a vast socio-technological experiment/publicity stunt (delete as you feel appropriate).

The collected images reveal that just over a quarter (26 per cent) of the nation is happy, 22 per cent confused, 13 per cent bored and 10 per cent just plain angry.

While reading the press release the Round-Up experienced all four emotions before finally settling for 'relief' after realising the story could be shoehorned into the column to drag the final word count up to a more respectable figure.

All the images will be displayed at an exhibition at the Vinyl Factory in London between 27 January and 6 February.

The mobile operator claims Expressionist is a unique interactive video installation conceived to project the range of human emotions at your prompt.

"Stare at the wall, the wall stares back. Smile at the wall - one thousand faces smile back.

"Pull a face - be it happy, sad or confused - and the wall responds..."

So thanks to Orange, normally straight-laced people have the chance to experience a perspective on reality only previously achievable with the aid of large quantities of hallucinogenic mushrooms...

A few months back the Round-Up upset some US readers by daring to suggest that President Bush wasn't the sharpest knife in the cutlery drawer.

We received a storm of protest.

We upset another US reader a little while later after suggesting that American footballers were wimps for donning armour before taking to the field and throw balls around in order to give TV viewers a respite from commercial breaks.

Another mini tempest ensued.

So it looks like the Round-Up is going to have to tread pretty carefully from here on in, right?

The archives of the Bill Clinton Presidential library contain 40 million emails - mostly memos and notes exchanged between aides and cabinet members.

Take a guess at how many were sent Bill Clinton in his eight years in the Oval office.

Two.

And one of them may not even count as it was sent as a test to see if the commander-in-chief understood how to send emails.

Still, it's nice to see that even the most powerful man in the world (ah, pipe down new world order conspiracy theorists) has to go through the same daft 'Introduction to IT' lessons the rest of us have to endure when we start work in a new office...

"...then you click 'send' and the message is delivered to the list of recipients, Mr President."

"I see. And what's that?"

"That's the mouse, Mr President."

"And that?"

"That's a monitor, Mr President"

"And how about that?"

"That's my knee, Mr President, and if you don't remove your hand I'm telling your wife."

"You got it, sweetheart."

And what of the other email? A note to Hilary to ask her to pick up some milk on the way home? A message chasing an order for a box of Cuba's finest ordered from www.cigarsforanyoccasion.com?

In fact, it was an email to astronaut and senator John Glenn on his return to outer space after a 40-year hiatus.

According to Reuters, the former president sent the email to the space shuttle while in orbit around the earth (that's the shuttle, not Bill) with the "help of Clinton staffers".

Which goes to prove he really wasn't paying attention during his introduction to email lesson.

Still, Bill was renowned for his enthusiasm for getting up close and personal with people and had plenty of other matters that needed handling in the Oval Office to distract him from the electronic communications revolution.

The economy for example.

Or the war on drugs.

However, despite his e-recalcitrance Skip Rutherford, president of the Clinton Presidential Foundation, insists the former president was not a "techno-klutz".

Sorry Skip but considering the dot-com boom kicked off during his presidency and he had the 'inventor of the internet' Al Gore as a sidekick, sorry, vice president, the Round-Up considers two a poor tally.

So the evidence is incontrovertible: he did not have relations with that computer.

Meanwhile, Rutherford adds: "I don't think President (George W) Bush sends emails, either..."

[...Round-up bites lip, considers gag about infinite number of chimps and infinite number of keyboards, considers importance of maintaining friendly Anglo-American relations and slowly withdraws hands from computer...]

Ahem, which is a shame for they would no doubt be fecund with wit and erudition...

Earlier this week a silicon.com leader questioned the UK government's decision to award Bill Gates an honorary Knighthood. (see here for the leader and here for the story. )

The leader in question had nothing to do with the award to Gates himself but everything to do with the timing of the announcement, which coincided with his visit to the UK to discuss NHS software licences and to meet with Chancellor Gordon Brown.

silicon.com questioned the messages being sent out by the UK government in awarding one of its highest honours at a time when the recipient's business is being investigated by the EU, sparking one reader to pose the allegations of spin and "sleaze".

silicon.com never questioned Gates' excellent work for charity or his contribution to the UK jobs market but many of you didn't care about that - as far as some readers were concerned this was more unnecessary Gates-bashing.

We beg to differ and stand by what we said. (Get the full story here.) In the meantime, some silicon.com readers have suggested alternative reasons why Bill should have been honoured.

Don Tregartha suggested he should have received the award for his continued contribution to the incomes of support technicians everywhere.

Let us have your own suggestions - and remember he's 'Sir' Bill not 'Saint' Bill - we can afford to laugh at the guy a little.

Alternatively you could propose an award for another technologist or business leader.

An OBE for Steve Jobs for services to coloured, moulded plastic?

An MBE for Linus Torvalds for services to polo shirts?

A scholarship to the Fame Academy for Steve Ballmer for services to modern dance and soprano singing?

You can certainly do better, Email editorial@silicon.com and we'll publish the best suggestions in next week's column.

And finally this week, hirsute 70s track star David Bedford secured a ruling against The Number 118 118 over the use of his image (see here).

The image in question is personified by the handlebar moustache, floppy mullet and baggy running singlet of the twin runners in the 118 118 ads.

Admittedly, it's not a terribly good image but it's his, dammit, and there are principles at stake here.

Bedford claimed the adverts' twin doppelgangers based their look on his while he was a top athlete during his heyday in the 1970s.

In response, The Number insisted that the runners were a generic image of athletes of that era and a nod towards late track star Steve Prefontaine, and not Bedford.

However, media regulator and retro-athletics image rights consultancy Ofcom begged to differ.

Ofcom decided not to ban the adds as they hadn't harmed Bedford monetarily.

But the legal battle between the runner and The Number is set for a few more laps of the legal track yet as Bedford is bringing a private case against 118 118 for damages.

So bravo to Bedford. It’s a welcome change having someone other than David Beckham fighting for rights to his image.

But Dave, you'll never, ever, convince the Round-Up that the mullet was cool.

Until next week, the Round-Up will be taping its comb-over in place, donning running gear and heading off into the cold, cold night humming the theme music from Chariots of Fire.

Until then, the Round-Up offers you - WHEEEZE - a selection of the best technology stories of the - GASP - week and bidding you AAAARRRGH! STITCH! STITCH!

Virus update: Mydoom is everybody's gloom

Gates has "magic solution" to kill spam in two years

Technology not strategic to business plans, say CFOs

Techies shun private for public sector

Peter Cochrane's Uncommon Sense: Blind purchases

Webcam stripper Colonel suspended