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The Weekly Round-Up: 19.03.04
What happens when you give an angry woman an iPod and silicon.com readers reveal their favourite pint...

By silicon.com

Published: Friday 19 March 2004

Hello you lucky, lucky people.

Now the Round-Up is speaking to those of you who work in the UK (don't worry US readers, we'll come back to you later) because it turns out those of us plying our trade in good old Blighty are working in the best labour market in the world.

And that assertion comes from no more a respected source than our very own government (stop sniggering up the back) - and they wouldn't lie now would they?

You see, it turns out that not only is unemployment low and employment high but also best of all there are loads of unfilled vacancies - a fact which the Department of Work and Pensions believes shows the UK labour market really is head and shoulders above other developed economies.

The DWP believes unfilled vacancies are a sign of an employment boom waiting to happen. What it doesn't acknowledge is that those jobs remain unfilled because of a lack of training and a growing skills crisis in the UK.

The announcement by Des Browne, minister for work, sounds a little like a restaurant owner looking at his empty eatery and boasting of his '100 per cent real-terms growth potential'.

Nowhere is the skills crisis more of an issue than in IT and the government did little to help the situation this week when the Budget was announced, ignoring calls for greater incentives and tax breaks for companies willing to retrain staff.

Richard Barrington, head of government affairs and public policy at Sun Microsystems, summed it up neatly when he told silicon.com: "I think they missed a chance here. We need a lot of training and re-training to keep up the UK skills base."

The sting in the tail is that the Budget also brought news of mass lay-offs within the Department of Work and Pensions (no wonder they'd been checking out vacancies). The Round-Up can imagine Des Browne breaking this news to admin staff.

"But it's not all bad news," he may begin. "There are thousands of unfilled positions in IT, so if - despite the best efforts of this government - some of you happened to have become trained software engineers during your time with the department you'll easily find work."

So there is a silver lining for axed staff then.

Take a good look around your desk and workstation? What can you see? Perhaps some general clutter, a few old to-do lists, a chewed pen, a telephone, a PC?

What about 10 million bacteria?

That's what lives on the average office desk. Telephones can support around 25,127 germs per square inch. A keyboard will harbour 3,295 in the same space and a computer mouse gives refuge to around 1,600 per square inch, according to the latest research from the University of Arizona.

Think about that next time you're eating a sandwich at your desk. According to the research the average desk also contains far more bacteria than the average toilet seat, though the Round-Up would never recommend you take to eating your lunch off the toilet seat.

Speaking of tiny things - though this one is certainly visible to the naked eye - Toshiba this week announced it has made it into the Guinness Book of Records with the world's smallest hard disk drive. At 0.85 inches in diameter it's not much bigger than a 50p coin and once in mass production will hold between 2-4GB.

It's probably not a fact which will wow the audience of Record Breakers and it's unlikely to be the first page a child turns to upon receiving the book as a gift but Toshiba is very pleased with itself.

Doubtless the device has been developed at considerable cost to Toshiba - and to think Roy Castle sang "dedication is all you need, if you want to be a record breaker". Still "...either that or a sizeable R&D budget and a team of skilled engineers" probably wouldn't have scanned so well.

However, it does raise questions about quite what Guinness is thinking by allowing the inclusion - haven't they heard of obsolescence? By the time the latest tome of facts and figures is wrapped and under the Christmas tree it's very likely somebody else will have come along and stolen Toshiba's thunder.

As certainly as Yukichi Chuganji (aged 114) will one day be replaced as the world's oldest living man, so Toshiba's record will surely be surpassed. But which will go first? The race is on. T

he Round-Up's money is on Chuganji.

Speaking of Guinness - the latest silicon.com poll has revealed the 'black stuff' to be the third most popular beer among our readers (14.2 per cent of you). However, St Patrick's Day fever couldn't halt the majority of votes being polled for real ale/bitter (a woolly-jumper wearing 41 per cent of you) and premium lager (a staggering - in all senses - 27.6 per cent of you).

(And check out our latest poll at www.silicon.com/#silicon.poll.)

St Patrick's Day of course is when we all remember a distant relative who once knew somebody who once met somebody who had a similarly distant relative who may have been from Ireland and thus feel justified in celebrating the Celtic Saint's Day - like the Californian woman the Round-Up met this week in a lift who professed "I am, like, sooooo Irish". Of course you are.

But not all Americans appear to be so proud of their heritage. One angry reader wrote in this week in response to an article about US offshoring plans, taking issue with the fact that a UK publication even dare discuss sensitive US issues such as jobs.

"Go to hell you anti-American teabag losers," he began, much as he intended to continue...

("Teabag losers"? Sure, we've probably all dropped a teabag down the back of the fridge from time to time but is losing teabags really such a sin? Though we have more than a feeling he was referring to certain events in Boston.)

He continued: "Leaving your filthy island was the best thing we ever did."

(We couldn't agree more - at least as far as this individual is concerned.)

"The idea of a dried-up tired old queen dictating law to your people is as ridiculous as your choice to boil all of your food."

Huh? What?

He either forgot to use a capital letter at the start of 'queen' or he's having a go at Elton John - in which case it's worth noting that Elton doesn't actually have any say in the law-making process.

But worse still was the criticism of our cuisine.

The Round-Up isn't about to sink to the level of gross generalisations and cheap shots (for once) but to suggest we boil all our food is contrary to French suggestions (and the Round-Up is guessing this man doesn't like them either) who say we are in fact 'Rosbif' (ROAST beef).

Now the French have been insulting English food since before America was even settled, so the Round-Up knows whose opinion we trust.

Still on the subject of offshoring (we were, sometime ago, honest) and gross generalisations, we received an email from another reader, on the issue of Indian call centres, which contained these comments.

"Outsourcing to India has caused confusion." (Fair point. Agreed.)

"After repeating yourself 10 times..." (Ten times? Come now, are you sure you're not exaggerating a little?)

"The directory enquiry service has gone backwards about 800 per cent..." (Eight-hundred per cent you say?)

"Talk about going back to the Middle Ages..." ("The Middle Ages"?)

The hyperbole really picked up momentum throughout that comment - reaching a crescendo of historically challenged brilliance.

"Hello directory enquiries, how can we help you?" "I'm look for the number of a portcullis repairman." "Not another one... don't tell me, imminent Norman invasion." "That's the one."

Still on the subject of call centres - villain of the week is Lloyds TSB. The UK bank has adopted a new strategy of sending text messages to customers which read simply:

"Please call Lloyds TSB on 0870 [rest of number removed]"

Just when you think you've made a breakthrough in educating the public about 'phishing' emails and scam text messages, a bank - which really should know better - undoes everything by adopting such a hair-brained scheme.

There's nothing to suggest the message is genuinely from Lloyds. There was no notification prior to the text arriving that this was going to be a method of communicating information to customers going forward.

For all anybody knows this is a scam. Upon receiving such a text the Round-Up certainly assumed it was a ruse but called in the spirit of investigation. Upon getting through the Round-Up was immediately asked to impart name and credit card number - still without receiving any assurances that this was a genuine Lloyds TSB call centre.

The individual on the other end was also not keen to answer questions about where they were and what they were doing - it all seemed very dodgy indeed.

Note to Lloyds TSB: with this ill-conceived scheme you have undermined the notion of trustworthy communications. Cue groups of scammers sending text messages saying "Please call Lloyds TSB..." and harvesting unsuspecting users' names and credit card numbers.

And finally, just two weeks ago this very newsletter was boasting about the new mini-iPod revolutionising the Round-Up's listening pleasure but since then a lot has changed. First the Round-Up was dismayed to discover that iPods can actually crash - which is a massive annoyance.

Second it's come to light that the iPod has been implicated in a particularly horrible murder.

Even Microsoft has been 'bigging-up' it's "iPod killer" this week but it can't have had this in mind.

Police in Memphis, Tennessee were horrified to discover a man who had been bludgeoned to death with an iPod (presumably one of the heavier 40GB models).

Arleen Mathers, 23, was arrested after police discovered the body of her boyfriend, Brad Pulaski, 27, who now joins Sir Isaac Newton on a very short list of people who found fame courtesy of a blow to the head from an Apple.

And the reason for this senseless crime? Pulaski wiped the contents of his partner's iPod, thus 'inviting' the frenzied attack during which Pulaski was struck between 40 and 80 times with the high-tech gadget, according to coroners.

So could this be the first instance of iPod-rage? Let us know if you've heard differently. Email editorial@silicon.com

Until next week, here's some news. Read it to let us know you care:

Leader: UK labour market so healthy it's in critical condition?

The UK: There's no better place to work...

Offshoring to India doesn't mean clueless call centres

Web 'copycats' ripping off small businesses

Illegal file-sharing still 'widespread' on UK corporate networks

IBM plans India jobs bonanza, say Indian officials

Virus alert: Bagles all round as four more appear

Phatbot is "the Swiss army knife of Trojans"