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The Weekly Round-Up: 04.06.04
One email to rule them all, the funny smell of vapourware and Google's Multicoloured Swap Shop

By silicon.com

Published: Friday 04 June 2004

"To dream the impossible dream, to fight the unbeatable foe, to bear with unbearable sorrow, to run where the brave dare not go..."

The Round-Up loves the Quixotic spirit, misguided romantic idealism, elderly knights tilting at windmills and all that jazz.

Don Quixote was the noble, yet deluded, old codger at the heart of the classic novel by Spanish scribe Cervantes. (And a Broadway musical, hence the lyrical intro.)

There have been a lot of Quixotic comings and goings in technology recently and quite frankly the Round-Up can't get enough of it.

First up is Conservative MP Michael Fabricant.

Michael's particular bone of contention is with certain enlargement pills.

More specifically, he's got in a huff at the pesky spam merchants who peddle the penile-enhancing pharmaceuticals through our inboxes.

To be even more specific, the minister's real quest, and very noble it is too, is to rid UK businesses of the spam problem altogether – the Round-Up only brought up enlargement pills for the sake of a cheap laugh.

Sorry Michael.

Spam makes up almost 70 per cent of all email sent worldwide, according to recent figures from Message Labs, and the problem shows all the signs of getting worse.

Fabricant, who looks like an older and wiser version of fellow Tory Boris Johnson, is concerned that the current government is failing to protect businesses from unsolicited commercial email (see here).

He believes that unless something is done the UK will become an online pariah - an outcast from the global digital community.

"I believe that this legislation needs to be looked at again if Britain isn't to become a pariah nation amongst the global e-community," said Fabricant in a statement that pretty much repeated a speech he gave earlier this year.

The government brought in legislation last year that made it illegal to send unsolicited commercial mail to a personal email account but it offered no protection to business accounts.

Furthermore, it's rather unlikely that any suspected spammer will face prosecution any time soon, due to the limited powers that have been given to the Information Commissioner.

The law clearly needs to be tightened, says Fabricant. Something must be done.

Fabricant's aim is laudable but the solution to the spam problem will come from technologists and not from politicians and civil servants.

(And certainly not from lawyers seeing as they started the whole thing in the first place – see here)

The editorial team at silicon.com has been banging on about this for so long we've turned into a bunch of Smurfs.

It was only this week we reported the volume of spam featuring pornography has drooped since filters were introduced to spot certain saucy keywords (see here).

Brave talk in Whitehall is to be commended and keeps the spam problem on the agenda but only techies can save us now.

Pass the bat-phone...

On the other side of the pond, politicians and technology legislation have a distinctly rickety history (Check out some of the howlers here).

But that wasn't going to stop US Democrat Liz Figueroa as she donned a plumed helmet, grabbed a lance and prepared to charge into hell for a heavenly cause. Heck, no.

Figueroa is on a chivalric crusade and she has Google's controversial Gmail service firmly in her senatorial sights.

The California state senate has recently approved a bill that places strict limits on email providers seeking to scan customer messages for advertising and other purposes – a fundamental part of the way Gmail works.

Figueroa (who may take lessons from new Chelsea FC boss Jose Mourinho on the art of blowing one's own trumpet) proclaimed: "My legislation guarantees that our most private communications will remain just that – private."

She added: "I am special." (Actually, no she didn't, that was Mourinho.)

Google said it's taking a neutral position on the legislation and will work with Figueroa on the measure.

The search engine giant hasn't had an easy time of it recently.

First, there was the hullabaloo over Gmail privacy, then the company forgot to register the rights to the Gmail name.

(And privacy issues aside there's another worry associated with new mega-storage email accounts. Find out what it is and how it could affect you here).

Recently, even funky browser company Opera has been poking it repeatedly with a pointed stick (see here).

Still, there's one faction that loves the search engine giant – the geeks.

The beta email service may have its critics but it's attracted legions of fans to it like moths to a double-bladed light-sabre signed by Ray Park.

Gmail addresses, available on an invitation-only basis, have become the latest must-have accessory for the self-respecting geek.

A new site, gmailswap.com (tagline: 'Because people are nice'), is attempting to hook up people who own the coveted addresses with people who will do anything to get their hands on them – an online Multicoloured Swap Shop if you will.

Some of the offers so far include a ride in a Porsche, a detailed offering to a Hindu god at the most important temple in the US, a Commodore 64, the wisdom of a 98-year-old man and Bilbo the motionless frog in his aquarium.

Don't ask about the latter.

Meanwhile, the number of companies joining the mega-storage email circus is increasing.

Lycos recently honked its red nose and said it was the first to copy Google's idea and offer 1GB of email storage (see here).

This week, it's the turn of UK-based portal Planet-Tolkien.com to leap aboard the 1GB email bandwagon like oh-so-many firework-fixated hobbit children flinging themselves at Gandalf's rocket-laden cart.

The website - your one-stop-shop for all things elvish and orcish - claims it is offering the one email service to rule them all for a measly $7 a month (see here).

A couple of weeks back, Yahoo! said it was providing some customers with a "virtually unlimited" email service.

Virtually unlimited? Sounds a bit like former US Vice President Dan Quayle's infamous claim that "space is almost infinite".

Find more on how Yahoo! is helping to redefine the laws of higher mathematics and astrophysics here.

You may have noticed that the commissioning editors of global TV channels have become rather preoccupied in recent times with a programme format called 'Reality TV'.

The basic premise is quite simple: take some terrible celebrity-hungry dimwits and... what's that? Ah, you are familiar with the format. Splendid.

Our last-but-one wide-eyed Quixotic idealist is Nick Thorogood from cable and satellite channel UKTV Style. He has a cunning plan to bring about the end of reality TV as we know it.

The big idea is an internet-based reality show called 'Watching Paint Dry' which boasts the tantalising tagline: "One wall. Some paint. You decide."

Viewers can watch a different kind of paint dry on an empty wall each day and vote for their favourite.

(The Round-Up is backing 'Purple Matt' - simple, yet regal.)

A live feed keeps the viewer updated on all the breaking paint-related news - and it’s gripping stuff.

Take this report: "Thousands of you were glued to the action at 9:03am this morning when a fly got trapped in the Gloss.

"A tragic seven-minute struggle ensued and we are saddened to report that the fly was unable to break free from the gluey Gloss that was mere minutes away from drying!"

There: how many reality TV shows can give you the circle of life and interior design in one package?

The producers claim they came up with the idea after deciding they'd rather watch paint dry than sit through another reality TV show.

UKTV's Thorogood added: "Every other reality show is full of boring drips so we thought that we would go one step further."

Bravo Nick! You've got the Round-Up hooked...

And finally this week the Round-Up alights its own mangy mount and prepares to tilt at its very own windmill - a rather large wind-powered edifice in the pleasant environs of Seattle, Washington.

Microsoft this week said it predicts the arrival of a digital music player which will be better and cheaper than Apple's iPod (see here).

(Presumably that'll be in exactly the same way that Windows has always been better and cheaper than the Mac OS.)

According to Microsoft corporate VP of MSN Yusef Medhi, the MP3 players will "look and feel" as good as the iPod, retail for a mere $50 and will rid the world of all known diseases.

He only actually said two of the statements in that last sentence.

The devices will also work with Microsoft's software - so just like the way iTunes for Windows does now, then.

There's no product of course, it's just classic vapourware – one of the Round-Up's pet hates.

Possibly the smelliest bit of vapour since some Danish chap complained about a "foul and pestilent congregation of vapours" – and it wasn't Peter Schmeichel commenting on the after-effects of Mark Lawrenson's egg sandwich during the FA cup final.

And if you think this is just another bit of Microsoft bashing then maybe you should consider it a form of flattery (see here).

(In related news, Apple this week planned to up ante with an upgraded 'Mother of all iPods', see here).

While Apple itself is no to stranger to vapourware the comments emanating from Redmond are totally preposterous, aren't they?

As far as the Round-Up is concerned this particular bit vapour has a particularly nasty, eggy odour...

Until next week the Round-Up will be leaping into the saddle of its own Rosinante, galloping erratically towards Redmond and wailing in its unconvincing tenor:

"For this, this is my quest, to follow that star, no matter how hopeless, no matter how far ..."

Pursuit is futile, so consider the following headlines instead:

Ageism in IT: Over 40? Forget about getting a job

Symantec CEO hits out at Microsoft... and Linux

Accenture Homeland Security win worth up to $10bn

Tolkien's 1GB Google email rival

Analysis: The uncertain future of RFID