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The Weekly Round-Up: 03.03.06
And on that bombshell...

By silicon.com

Published: Friday 03 March 2006

'Doing a Ratner' has become a stock business term, describing the moment when a high-powered exec shoots himself in the foot and occasionally manages to take his company down with him.

Of course the phrase refers to the moment in 1991 when, speaking at the Institute of Directors, Gerald Ratner described one product on sale in his eponymous chain of jewellers as "total crap" and described a pair of the company's earrings as "cheaper than a prawn sandwich".

The Round-Up mentions this because the outspoken words of another exec this week drew some comparison with Ratner's gaffe - though it seems it's the difference between mocking your own company and being brutally honest about a hole you are looking to get out of which separates them.

John Pluthero, the UK chairman of Cable & Wireless, this week sent a memo to staff in which he wrote: "Congratulations, we work for an underperforming business in a crappy industry and it's going to be hell for the next 12 months."

Don't hold back now John. Drop the sugar coating, is it bad or isn't it?

Pluthero was similarly frank when it came to the issue of a number of job cuts, adding: "That's just the start. As we reduce the number of customers we serve, fix some of our problems, strip out layers of management, we will need fewer people to run the business... If you are worried that it all sounds very hard, it's time for you to step off the bus.

"This is no longer a place for the timid."

On one level the Round-Up thinks such a no-nonsense approach is refreshing.

After all, staff - much like cows on the eve of a storm - tend to sense when something bad is coming, so at least being frank cuts out all the 'nothing to worry about' platitudes which always seem a little at odds with the fact the axe falls the very next day.

And as C&W is looking to cut costs by £5m per month then it goes without saying it's going to be tough going – with as many as 3,000 job-cuts pencilled in.

However, as for "it's time for you to step off the bus". What's that about?

What breed of meaningless management speak is that?

The Round-Up feels genuine sympathy for any member of C&W staff who is concerned about facing up to 12 hellish months under someone who uses phrases like that... and who presumably considers himself "the bus driver". (Though, according to the ad on the back of the number 73 this morning, they're always in need of new ones.)



In light of that it seems the poor HR department at C&W will also be in for a torrid time over the coming months.

In fact HR departments everywhere appear to be coming in for something of a hard time - though they will probably have all manner of smart acronyms to explain everything away in a synergistically beneficial, hands-on kind of way which identifies staff strengths and focus areas.

Perhaps due to such acronyms and a healthy dollop of unhelpful jargon, research out this week revealed that HR is the one department which is invariably the least popular in any organisation among the senior execs.

That's right - the human resources team is even less popular than the IT department.

So techies everywhere, shout it from the roof tops: "We're not the least popular!"

You are in fact second least popular. But at least you beat HR.

The report, compiled by the Economist Intelligence Unit, stated: "No other function - not even the notoriously unlovable IT department - came close to being this unappreciated."

Does anybody else think that "notoriously unlovable" was a little bit uncalled for? It's almost as if the report was rueing the fact that IT hadn't been found to be the least popular, so they put the boot in anyway.

The Round-Up wonders whether somebody was having technical difficulties while compiling the report.

The findings may also have something to do with the fact that HR tend to bang on about things which cost the company money, for little return, such as holiday and maternity leave... and pay for example. (Let's face it, which execs wouldn't want to get something for nothing?)

Balancing out that humane angle, however, the report found that the favourite department among execs are those notorious 'teachers pets' of the corporate playground, the finance department.

Hiss, boo!

If it's of any interest to those bean counters getting carried away with how popular they are, the rest of the company really doesn't like you all that much.



Moving on, though only to another example of how the words of a senior exec can have something of a 'butterfly effect', Google CFO George Reyes told CNBC this week that growth at the internet search giant is slowing...

Cue a 10 per cent slip in Google's share price (which analysts and market watchers were quick to put into perspective, given the monstrous success of Google to date).

Reyes told CNBC that growth is currently slowing and not just because the all-conquering search behemoth has run out of planet to dominate.

Reyes said Google now needs to find new growth areas. (Like Mars, perhaps... ?)

Of course, slowing growth by Google's standards is the kind of problem most businesses would gladly have. And even if Google is now milking search for all its worth it's hardly time for Sergey Brin and Larry Page to start reusing tea bags or switching to stores' own-brand bread and margarine.



Students of internet scandal and infamy won't need to be reminded of the name of poor Claire Swire who, back in 2000, found herself thrust into a life of notoriety after a personal email between her and her boyfriend was shared with a wider audience... of several tens of millions.

The email detailed her fondness for performing what the tabloids refer to as 'a sex act'.

Since then there have been others who have been pretenders to the 'next Claire Swire' crown but none who have come close. (No pun intended.)

This week we've seen the first signs of a potential 'next big thing'. The school record of a US student has been circulating this week as an email attachment.

The record details the reasons for the young man's suspension from his school, the foremost of which was his being caught while on the receiving end of what the tabloids refer to as 'a sex act' on school property.

Still, if you're going to get suspended for something it beats getting caught smoking behind the bike sheds or swearing at your PE teacher.



On a totally unrelated note, has anybody typed 'March 20th' into Google lately?



We're saying no more about that, which in itself is becoming something of an internet phenomenon. Though sticking in a slightly misogynistic vein, this week saw the latest exploration of why there aren't enough women working in IT.

In this instance it wasn't just suspicions of unequal pay and inherent sexism which persist but also a rather off-putting macho culture.

It's a perennial topic for debate, with some willing to say 'that's just the way it is - women simply don't want to work in IT, why would they?' .

Such as a silicon.com reader who refers to himself simply as 'Jay'.

"No women I know want to work in IT, they're more interested in the arts," began Jay, tempting the Round-Up to wonder just how many women Jay actually knows.

When he continues you might realise why: "Look at the lack of female car mechanics."

Indeed. Presuming you can actually look at something that there is an absence of (which raises an existential dilemma beyond the reasoning of the Round-Up), just look at the lack of female mechanics, Jay. Just look where they aren't.

"They aren't bothered about it," added Jay before putting the icing on this chauvinist cake: "Do us men want to do floristry or cleaning[?]"

No we don't Jay, not any of the men in the silicon.com office anyway but then the women on the team assure us they're not just doing this job until a position comes up in floristry or cleaning either.

Admittedly one female member of the team was tempted when she thought we said 'forestry' but that excitement soon died down.



And finally, casino billionaire and property magnate Donald Trump was the subject of an interesting challenge this week.

Trump, the-considerably-richer-than-Alan Sugar host of the US version of The Apprentice, appeared on US TV show Deal or No Deal and blogging tycoon Mark Cuban dared the show's host Howie Mandel to challenge Trump to pull a rubber glove over his head and inflate it fully.

As you do.

If Trump had performed the challenge then Cuban promised he would donate $1m to a charity of Mandel's choosing.

Writing on his blog, Cuban stated: "Is it possible that any human being on the planet would be able to resist watching Donald Trump blow up a rubber glove over his head? I don't think so. Combatants around the world would lay down their arms and all enjoy a moment of shared laughter.

"I don't have the power to cause the end to wars... You do Donald."

He may lack the ability to end wars (over which he should not beat himself up) but Cuban, who founded blog aggregator BlogScour.com, is certainly a master of hyperbole.

However, it appears news of the challenge may not have reached the studio in time, as the Round-Up sees that the show passed without the appearance of a rubber glove (not wishing to make it sound like a good day passing through airport customs).

Although on this occasion Cuban got to hold on to his million bucks, he is no stranger to flashing his dot-com riches. After selling Broadcast.com to Yahoo! in 1999 for $6bn he went out and bought the Dallas Mavericks basketball team for a snip at $285m.

Perhaps Cuban's crowning glory, however, was when he made it onto the silicon.com Agenda Setters list in 2005.



Until next week, the Round-Up will leave you to ponder that - and with some news...


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