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The Weekly Round-Up: 25.01.08
Students up in arms and data losses... again…

By silicon.com

Published: Friday 25 January 2008

How about this for an advertising slogan for the Ministry of Defence: "The Armed Forces Want You!"

And then in smaller text underneath: "To express an interest in joining up so they can stick all your details on a database and then lose them, thereby potentially exposing your personal data to identity fraudsters."

Pretty catchy we think you'll admit but not one the Round-Up expects the MoD to be using any time soon.

That is a shame because it would be a lot closer to the truth than the usual one about travelling to foreign countries, (although probs not in such style as this) meeting interesting people and killing them. Although in truth that's not an official MoD marketing slogan either.

What's this all about? Glad you asked - the MoD has announced it has lost a laptop containing the personal information of about 600,000 people who have joined or expressed an interest in joining the Royal Navy, Royal Air Force and Royal Marines.

The data consisted of names, passport details, national insurance numbers, drivers' licence particulars, information on family members, doctors' addresses and NHS numbers. So nothing that could raise any risk of serious identity fraud.

Before you say, "Oh no, not another government data loss blunder" just consider this: could it be an ever-so-cunning recruitment drive?

"You're not safe at home, so join us - we'll post you overseas in a war zone. And you can have a gun."

Not convinced? The MoD has also contacted 3,500 people who foolishly supplied the department with their bank details. These were also lost.

"Now, what sort of gun would you like?"

The laptop in question was stolen from a Royal Navy recruitment officer's car. The department has admitted that the data was not encrypted.

"Can we interest sir in a complementary rocket launcher and a Kevlar vest, too?"

Happily for the sake of the moral high-horse riding Round-Up, though unhappily for would-be military types, this isn't an isolated incident for the government department.

This week the MoD was kind enough to point out that it had actually lost loads of laptops, some containing similarly sensitive data.

Does the Round-Up really need to point out that this is the latest in an increasingly long line of data loss blunders by the government? Something that indicates systematic and cultural malaise? No, but it did anyway, just out of spite.

Guess what? It also transpired this week that the government department responsible for ensuring standards in the UK's courts is investigating the loss of four CDs containing personal details which went Awol in the post. Standards indeed, Pfft!

The discs went missing on 15 December last year after being mailed by recorded delivery from the Ministry of Justice to an unknown recipient.

Good to see that the lessons are being learned. That would be about a month after the hugely embarrassing public announcement about the HMRC child benefit loss.

You’d have thought that, so close to such a huge scandal, safety procedures would be tightened. Then after a little while, they'd naturally be allowed to drift back into bad habits. But no, apparently not. Rubbish from day one onwards.

If these data loss scandals continue, and it would take a brave man with a highly casual approach to personal finance to bet against it, surely it would just be more cost-effective for the government to sell the data direct to criminals - just think of the money we could save on investigations, official reviews and postage stamps...

Meanwhile, in news that may or may not be related to the latest debacle, the much-maligned ID cards project has been delayed by two years. Ha! In your face Big Brother.

According to leaked documents - how appropriate - the controversial cards will only be issued to most UK citizens from 2012, two years later than previously stated for the crucial phase two of their introduction.

At the end of the day it comes down to a question of credibility. After all, if the government can't look after our data what makes them think they're in a position to mandate an extremely expensive and quite probably ineffective ID cards system?

Meanwhile, the government is also facing a revolt from students who claim they're being used as guinea pigs for the scheme.

According to the leaked information, teenagers may need an ID card to open a bank account or take out a student loan from 2010 - making them among the first people to have the biometric cards in the UK.

The wispy goatees of the National Union of Students (NUS) officers were quivering with rage as they described the revelation in the leaked National Identity Scheme Delivery Strategy document as "morally reprehensible" and said it would bog students down in red tape. Or merely prepare them for careers in the civil service.

An NUS spokeswoman said: "Besides being morally reprehensible, this plan is also completely impractical. The student loan system is complicated enough as it is, without introducing yet another layer of bureaucracy to the process. Many students change address at least once a year and would be obliged to report such changes in their personal circumstances or face a £1,000 fine."

"Do you have any idea just how many snakebites and black that buys?" she didn't add before balancing a traffic cone on her head and swaying down the road erratically.

However, she did add with conviction - and given the events of recent months - considerable justification: "We would also be concerned for the safety of students' personal information if they were forced to enter the ID card system."

Are you listening, Gordon Brown? The kids have spoken...

Complaining about our broadband connections has become a British pastime as beloved as walking the dog, watching the cricket, complaining about the weather and having your personal data misplaced by government officials and exploited by identity fraudsters.

However, no matter how slow the connection or how flaky the stability, tell yourself that at least you don't have a job installing the broadband cables with company H20.

The company has been wrestling with the logistical and financial problems of laying millions of miles of broadband wires down the UK's streets. It’s disruptive, expensive and quite frankly a complete pain in the arse.

It's on the subject of arses that we will dwell for a while. For in a moment of inspiration, someone at the company came up with the very bright idea of running the cables through urban sewer systems.

You would have hoped the management video-taped the meeting where they unveiled the plan to the engineers for the first time - at least for the sake of posterity. But sadly the Round-Up suspects not.

H2O Networks is touting the launch of its Fibrecity concept to bring up to 100Mbps broadband to UK cities.

Look, let's be honest. Toilet humour isn’t big or funny. Therefore, given the rich vein of botty humour available in this article, the Round-Up would like to assure the readership that it will not lower the tone with cheap gags. Therefore, for the avoidance of doubt these are the phrases the Round-Up will not use in this week's column:

1. "fat pipe"
2. "ISP", "service levels" and "shit" in the same sentence
3. "laying a cable"

Still at least it gets us all connected. And we're all happy. What's that? There's a group of people who aren't happy?

Not content with having clean air, a higher quality of life, big gardens and access to unspoilt areas of the country populated by interesting flora and fauna, those troublesome rural dwellers are complaining that they want fast internet access as well. They would also like the moon on the stick and they want it now frankly.

An anonymous network engineer from Yorkshire said: "When will the millions of pounds be shared out a bit more to those that do not have, rather than those who already have a reasonable line speed?"

Meanwhile, Harry Grove in rural Worcestershire spluttered: "Once again there is discrimination against us rural dwellers. Sewers? Sewers? We don't have sewers; no drains at all, just septic tanks. And, I can assure you, the traffic is all One Way!"

It did make the Round-Up wonder where the wires came out and whether it limited your choices with regards to the location of your cable modem.

Anyway, if you thought your broadband service stinks, now you know why...

MacBook Air? Ha! Want to check out the top 10 coolest Apple products of all time? You're just a single-button mouse click away.

Want to survive the day and live a rich and fulfilling life? Then for God's sake stop working and read this.

Who's that wrinkled old-timer on stage at the Intel expo keynote? No, it's not Craig Barrett. It's Aerosmith lead singer Steven Tyler. Check out other cringe-worthy examples of the bad, bad things that happen when rock stars meet technology CEOs. Click this way.

Until next week, be sure to check out the aural delights of the Weekly Round-Up podcast and enter our caption competition for a chance to win a bottle of bubbly.