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The Weekly Round-Up: 09.01.09
Poor old '09

By silicon.com

Published: Friday 09 January 2009

You've got to feel sorry for 2009.

Usually in January, a year is still a newborn innocent, the long months ahead stretching out in front of it, full of wonder and mystery. But not 2009, oh no.

Like a kid from a rough estate, 2009 has already had its card marked and the whole world is against it. "You'd better watch out for 2009", they say, "it's gonna be a tough one."

If you believe the stuff being written about 2009 then by the year's end most Western economies will have collapsed and your house will be worth less than the change down the back of the sofa. If you haven't already chopped up the sofa and burned it in a desperate attempt to keep warm in the harsh winter, that is.

If 2009 was a dog it would be the Littlest Hobo. If it was a car it would fail its MOT. If it was an IT project it would be a government one. If it was a Christmas present it would have turned up broken and without batteries or receipt.

So the Round-Up says - it's time to reach out to 2009 and tell it that we care. After all, there's no point moaning too much because this will happen. And we're stuck with it until the end of December.

On the subject of presents, Father Christmas seems to have delivered rather too many dodgy gifts this year.

Three-quarters of us woke up on Christmas Day to presents we didn't want, which adds up to about £2.2bn blown in those wasted days spent running around the nearest shopping centre in a blind panic.

After a day of feigned delight at yet another novelty jumper from Aunt Aggie, by Boxing Day most people had decided it was time to hit eBay: the most visited retail site on Boxing Day, with a 10.5 per cent share of UK traffic, no less.

And according to TalkTalk, which did the sums, Britons spent £858m on unwanted tat that won't be taken back to the shops or sold on eBay and will sit gathering dust in dark corners of the loft, more unwanted than a Woolworths gift voucher. TalkTalk's list of unwanted gifts include "motoring accessories" (presumably whatever could be salvaged from the late night garage at 11pm on Christmas Eve) and "cleaning items". Who says the Christmas spirit is dead?

Still, there's always a bright side because you can always swap unwanted presents to get something more to your liking, and the telco wheeled out "legendary" SwapShop presenter Keith Chegwin to point it out: "I'm thrilled to hear that a growing number of Britons have started to revive the whole SwapShop ethic that we started back in 1976, and that many more are planning to 'swap 'til they drop' in 2009."

That's the upbeat, can-do spirit that Gordon Brown has been talking about. Give that man a gong - if legends accept such things.

Unfortunately, some presents were just pants - literally as well as figuratively.

Lingerie is well known as the last resort of the desperate and clueless man on Christmas Eve, along with perfume and chocolates (only gift tokens and cold hard cash involve less inspiration).

But just buying the lingerie is not the end of the danger for the desperate boyfriend or husband.

Oh no. It's a bit like in Indiana Jones (the first, good one, that is), where he swaps the bag of sand for the golden statue. He thinks he's home and dry. But this is merely the beginning of the horror. See that big stone ball rolling towards you? That's what happens when you get the size wrong.

According to a survey of 10,000 women, 62 per cent of British blokes got the sizes of the underwear they bought completely wrong. A third of men bought a bra for their partner two sizes smaller than their real size, while a third made - possibly - an even worse mistake by getting the knickers in a twist, often buying sizes far too big.

Presumably the recipients of such badly thought out gifts were among those straight onto auction sites on Boxing Day, listing their unwanted smalls as well as hubby's golf clubs and his freshly chopped up suits…

Still, enough of Christmas (after all there are still 350-ish shopping days yet). What else is happening in the world, you ask?

A great question, because the Round-Up is here to tell you. And the answer is - plenty.

First up - Macworld. Sure, there were a few announcements - changes to iLife and iWork, a 17-inch MacBook Pro and DRM-free songs in iTunes.

But as the general consensus is that Apple itself didn't really come up with a mega product to get the Mac lovers drooling, with many of the faithful hoping to see the long-rumoured but so far fictional iPhone nano appear.

According to the BBC, some counterfeiters were so convinced Jobs was going to unveil the nano they started creating fake versions - despite the fact the device doesn't even exist. Pretty smart work, huh?

Apparently, fake iPhone nanos started appearing in Thailand just after Christmas, sporting "official" Apple logos and there are reports the devices have started to appear in European shops.

Let's hope that next the counterfeiters get cracking on a real version of the long-spoofed iPhone shuffle - which calls people at random from the address book. The Round-Up would really like to see one of those in action.

And finally, Gordon Brown has come up with a great wheeze to pull the UK out of the recessionary spiral we've managed to talk ourselves into.

Like the great bridge building projects of the past, Brown's been hinting that it's time to get flashing the cash to build a new digital infrastructure. "It's a very important thing," he told The Observer.

Welcome to the party Gordon, some of us latched onto this interweb thing a little while ago now. Seriously, it's going to be big - you just mark the Round-Up's words.

But is a big spend up on broadband the best thing to do? Better than - say - just having a big party or (more controversially) giving us the money to spend instead? The Round-Up hears there's some golf clubs going cheap on eBay right now…

There's just time for a quick race through the rest of the news. How many silicon.com readers are planning to move to Windows Vista? Not a whole lot, according to this survey.

Fortunately for at least some of the Vista-dodgers, Steve Ballmer this week declared Microsoft is ready with the beta version of Windows 7, although Microsoft isn't saying when it will be ready for prime time so don't hold your breath…

On the off chance you'll actually have any money to pay into it, take a look at the bank of tomorrow.

And finally on the subject of money, how do you know when you are talking to a fake taxman? Here's a clue - it's because he's offering to give you money.

Also - it's back - the silicon.com caption competition. Vent all your excess of funniness here. See - who says 2009 was going to be all bad?